Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Google loses big.
Getting back on the soapbox here, but Google lost $20 Billion today. (Or 1/10th of a jigawatt.) Good. Serves you right. Wanna make it back? Tell China “No, we reconsidered. No deal.” Not only will your stock recover, but with all the hoopla over the announcement, I bet it’ll top $750 a share by Friday.
How many layouts do you need?
Quick FYI for the day to account groups and all non-creatives: asking the art director for 24 variations for the design of a brochure spread is not true ‘creative.’
It’s just going to lead to us simply moving shit around on the page for no reason. Don’t request that many because you’ll just shoot them down anyway. Ask for three instead, that way, we’ll give you three solid distinct looks – not 24 lousy ones. Otherwise, all those variations of the same inbred cousin you’ll end up with will make you wonder why ‘these just aren’t working for me.’
It’s just going to lead to us simply moving shit around on the page for no reason. Don’t request that many because you’ll just shoot them down anyway. Ask for three instead, that way, we’ll give you three solid distinct looks – not 24 lousy ones. Otherwise, all those variations of the same inbred cousin you’ll end up with will make you wonder why ‘these just aren’t working for me.’
Monday, January 30, 2006
Expose yourself...
...to a few cool things if you’re an art director. If you’re not, well, do it anyway.First: some Art Chandry funk that is the inspiration and reflection of most of the 90’s grunge angst-music design scene. This prolific designer’s work is crazy like a bag-o’-wild-rats-and-some-bacon crazy. Too many new peeps think design only started after graduating from SVA in 2003. Guess again. Does the guy have a website? Does he even need one? Check out a great book on his Lichentstein-on-steroids design style: Some People Can’t Surf.
Next, check out Visionaire. A magazine like no other, if you have, like, $250 per issue. Every issue unique and a limited edition. Flip through spreads online for inspiration and some cool photography.Oh, did you need some music to chill with? Stream some Radio Paradise via iTunes radio, under their ‘Eclectic’ heading. Every genre known. Or really chill out with radioioambient.com, streamed through RealPlayer. Lava lamp and incense not included.
Lastly, logos. You know I love ’em. Brands of the World. Almost every logo you can think of in an .eps format when you need them most: Sunday night before a 9:oo a.m. presentation. Oh, and did I mention free? Don’t even wanna know how they do it.
Larry King’s Adweek Column.
Call me crazy, but I don’t know why the Burger King guy has such a big head...... Print it: Coke is the new Pepsi...... I may be out on a limb here, but the guy who invented blogs may be onto something..... I know it’s early, but if Deutsch gets behind Hillary like they did with Bill, she’s a lock in ’08...... Is it me, or are boxing promoters and awards show judges at the top of their game...... This just in: those Wendy’s ads are funny...... Mark my words: banner ads are the next big thing...... I’m not seeing as many cigarette ads on TV like I used to...... Until search engines can help me find my keys, I don’t see them lasting...... You heard it here first: Carrot Top is 1-800-FUNNY!...... Print it: that Nike logo is everywhere...... If this keeps up, the lack of Amish copywriters could eventually be a problem...... I think we’ve seen the end of agency mergers...... Someone needs to tell Geico that cavemen don’t talk, otherwise, great spots...... GOOD NIGHT, TOLEDO!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Software rant upgrade – v 2.0.
Every single time they release new software, the one function I had just gotten used to is changed, removed, or consolidated along with something else. (Photoshop link feature in the new/next CS release is my latest gripe du jour.)
Photoshop, Flash, Quirck Xpress. Whatever. Damn, leave it alone! Who in the focus groups is making the requests to change what’s worked for the majority of users? Computer makers and software developers are the first ones to say they won’t make changes to satisfy only one tenth of one percent of their market. So why do they make bizarre changes to the functionality of programs to satisfy what surely must be a miniscule market segment? Have you looked at the release notes of an upgrade lately?
“Known issues fixed: seven foot, one-armed librarians working in the Polynesian isles can now pdf without crashing.”
Whew. Thank God we got that one fixed.
Now, I love a one-armed librarian from the Pacific as much as anyone, but why do developers go further and combine several other features into one? Contrary to what they may think, consolidation often times doesn’t make my life easier.
We’re funny peoples, these art directors. (Or as their genus identifies them: logus makus enormus.) We get into a groove. The last thing we need when we’re jamming late is to have to relearn something we learned already. That just slows things up. You guys getting this in Cupertino?
Great if you’re hourly/freelance - sucks if you’re on staff.
I used to have this theory that all the software we did, do and will ever need is in one room somewhere. All by itself. And that it could do everything we ever wanted it to. But then the developers aren’t releasing it because they would see their cash cow evaporate.
The upgrade cow that charges “Only $199” every four monthes for version whatever. Based on the money I spent on software so far, I’d gladly pay a one-time only fee of $19,999, just to have all the release versions in one. The set of install CDs would be REALLY huge, but hey, I can deal.
At least that’s what I told the focus group when they asked me.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I’m Not Valid.
So I spend 12 friggin’ hours trying to make sure I have my feeds and links and yatta all down. Thought I’d check out the feed here, and voila, a lot of errors. I give up. I’m an art director, not a programmer. Of course, a lot of other blogs in adland have errors too, so I shouldn’t feel that bad, right? Anyway, thanks to Ben over at The Spunker for helping me out on the stuff that gets the blogging word out.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Check it out.
Hey, where’s the AD shit you promised? Ok, Ok. Check out this dude: Chuck Anderson. Self-taught kid outta high school who skipped art school. Some stuff in the work that old-school peeps like me were taught the opposite of, but so what, the work’s got balls.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Google’s Free Speech.
So Google today is standing firm in their resistance to a request by the government to turn over search info on adult-oriented search trends. Basically, the feds want to see what we are looking for to help better serve the Child Protection Act, a noble goal.
Google however, says no, not gonna’ happen. We don’t want people even starting to think we would ever betray our loyal followers by giving up personal info to the man. Yea for Google!
It’s bullshit though.
Everyone that is high-fiving themselves and Google for taking a stand needs to instead smack themselves. Because Google also says it wants to protect it’s proprietary search process. I believe that before I see them supporting the First Amendment.
For as much as their actions appear to protect our free speech, where was their concern when they expanded into China, and helped the government there stifle free speech by taking out any references to the Tiananmen square massacre from their database?
And Google’s response was this: that it’s not just Google that has to filter content, others like Microsoft have to too. It’s just a simple respect for local and state regulations and customs. A cost of doing business.
Sweet!
Since when did making human rights violations and being able to research info about it disappear become the ‘cost of doing business?’ Stand up for us here in America, but screw the Chinese people. I get it now.
Especially since they’ve already shown they’re all about the money when it comes to China. When will a brand take a stand and have it mean something. Not the shallow gesture they are making by sticking it to the man today.
As a search engine where your primary product is information, free information at that, this would have been a perfect thing to promote. Coke couldn't have done it. McDonald’s, Walmart and Subway couldn’t have either.
Google had the chance to make history and every ad blog in the world by taking a stand. Except China of course. They don’t have blogs. Just kidding! Of course they do. Government-approved blogs. One Template. One Masthead. One World.
Know how much free advertising that would’ve been for them? I’m still up on the melodramatic soapbox here, but all they had to do was tell China simply, “No. We filter nothing. Take it or leave it.” Their freakin’ stock is at something like $14,000! They could bail out Ford for cryin’ out loud. I think you could afford to take the heat and take a stand.
Instead, they came off as the opposite of the very thing they pretend to be today: a brand actually worried about it’s consumers – all its consumers.
Google however, says no, not gonna’ happen. We don’t want people even starting to think we would ever betray our loyal followers by giving up personal info to the man. Yea for Google!
It’s bullshit though.
Everyone that is high-fiving themselves and Google for taking a stand needs to instead smack themselves. Because Google also says it wants to protect it’s proprietary search process. I believe that before I see them supporting the First Amendment.
For as much as their actions appear to protect our free speech, where was their concern when they expanded into China, and helped the government there stifle free speech by taking out any references to the Tiananmen square massacre from their database?
And Google’s response was this: that it’s not just Google that has to filter content, others like Microsoft have to too. It’s just a simple respect for local and state regulations and customs. A cost of doing business.
Sweet!
Since when did making human rights violations and being able to research info about it disappear become the ‘cost of doing business?’ Stand up for us here in America, but screw the Chinese people. I get it now.
Especially since they’ve already shown they’re all about the money when it comes to China. When will a brand take a stand and have it mean something. Not the shallow gesture they are making by sticking it to the man today.
As a search engine where your primary product is information, free information at that, this would have been a perfect thing to promote. Coke couldn't have done it. McDonald’s, Walmart and Subway couldn’t have either.
Google had the chance to make history and every ad blog in the world by taking a stand. Except China of course. They don’t have blogs. Just kidding! Of course they do. Government-approved blogs. One Template. One Masthead. One World.
Know how much free advertising that would’ve been for them? I’m still up on the melodramatic soapbox here, but all they had to do was tell China simply, “No. We filter nothing. Take it or leave it.” Their freakin’ stock is at something like $14,000! They could bail out Ford for cryin’ out loud. I think you could afford to take the heat and take a stand.
Instead, they came off as the opposite of the very thing they pretend to be today: a brand actually worried about it’s consumers – all its consumers.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Ads are officially ‘safe’ now.
Have we come to this point? I caught the new spot for Buy.com, and I can’t go on. It’s just another CEO as pitchman, right? After all, it works for beer!
The CEO Scott Blum stands on the top of their building in an homage to Steve Wynn. (Wait a sec, is that Shatner I see on top of Priceline’s Norwalk office? Don’t jump Bill, you still have some of their stock.)
That’s not the scary part though: it’s safe, boring and the future of advertising.
God I hope not.
Apparently Buy.com also saves money on its advertising by cutting out the middle man. In this case, the creatives! Just hire out a production co. to do all the post.
This trend of speaking to the audience like a latter day Plain Speaking Harry S. Truman has gotta’ stop. I saw pictures of Harry in middle school – and Scott, you sir, are no Harry. Animatronics at Disneyworld have more life.
“But the customer appreciates honesty.” Yes. And they also appreciate a pulse.
I understand the marketing attitude around Buy.com might be to not insult an audience, and talk to today’s ‘better-educated, media-savvy consumer’ in a tone that doesn’t speak down to them. After all, they can sniff out, (oops, sorry Scott), when they are being manipulated by brands.
Maybe. But does that mean we have to have ads so generic, so Westworld-like that they are no better than a store flyer? Bud and Coors, take note. At least Jim Koch plays the camp role, even if his last round of spots with the Barminatrix and her ‘200 Kindz uhv Beir’ and her oh-so-uber cool robotic customer pissed me off.
Because the takeaway for me on all these ads is that the brands perceive their target audience as humorless, safe, lifeless robots.
Fuck that. Give me Outpost.com ads with wolves attacking marching bands and small mammals firing out of cannons.
The CEO Scott Blum stands on the top of their building in an homage to Steve Wynn. (Wait a sec, is that Shatner I see on top of Priceline’s Norwalk office? Don’t jump Bill, you still have some of their stock.)
That’s not the scary part though: it’s safe, boring and the future of advertising.
God I hope not.
Apparently Buy.com also saves money on its advertising by cutting out the middle man. In this case, the creatives! Just hire out a production co. to do all the post.
This trend of speaking to the audience like a latter day Plain Speaking Harry S. Truman has gotta’ stop. I saw pictures of Harry in middle school – and Scott, you sir, are no Harry. Animatronics at Disneyworld have more life.
“But the customer appreciates honesty.” Yes. And they also appreciate a pulse.
I understand the marketing attitude around Buy.com might be to not insult an audience, and talk to today’s ‘better-educated, media-savvy consumer’ in a tone that doesn’t speak down to them. After all, they can sniff out, (oops, sorry Scott), when they are being manipulated by brands.
Maybe. But does that mean we have to have ads so generic, so Westworld-like that they are no better than a store flyer? Bud and Coors, take note. At least Jim Koch plays the camp role, even if his last round of spots with the Barminatrix and her ‘200 Kindz uhv Beir’ and her oh-so-uber cool robotic customer pissed me off.
Because the takeaway for me on all these ads is that the brands perceive their target audience as humorless, safe, lifeless robots.
Fuck that. Give me Outpost.com ads with wolves attacking marching bands and small mammals firing out of cannons.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Be yourself.
I came across a great post on a blog from Mark Fenske, an ad guru/teacher at WK.
Short story longer, I went over to his site for any possible news about the 12 program I applied for.
But looking back in a reverse-karma way, maybe it was my idea for a Super Bowl half-time spot that I put in my application that was my undoing – especially since he's heading up the new Coke biz there.
The idea still rocks though. (Note to CD's and brave clients out there, let’s talk.)
But I digress. Two things I picked up from it though. First, the guy writes good, gooder than most, with no wasted sentences. Something I will use to help improve my writer side.
Second thing is really something we all should do more of: be yourself. Ourselves. Themselves. Whatever. You get the point.
Something we all struggle with when doing work that isn’t the most glamerous. I’ve had plenty of those times. It’s at these times when I’m bitching to my friend ZK about this that he often replies: ‘work is good.’
What he means is that there is value in that act of keeping the lights on for your family even if the work is of no creative value.
I don’t disagree.
But I also know too much of that kind of work leads to a tipping point between the good and the bad inside you. And Mark’s post speaks to that. As he said and as I agree with, you can do well with that kind of work.
But, it doesn't mean the work is always great.
So the challenge is to break the circle, the catch-22, the pattern – and aim higher.
Always higher.
And I’m trying – many people around me know that.
But, it becomes more important to do that no matter what career you’re in – to refocus on your inner goals, the direction you were heading in, the thing you wanted when you left school, (besides a job).
I see this more in retrospect when I look back at a lot of the places I worked at. Sure I made the dead presidents, even though the clients weren’t always the best.
Work is good.
Maybe the owners sold out creatively a long time ago. Maybe it was a place that called account-driven work ‘creative.’ Maybe I talked myself into thinking things would change if I cared more and pushed the creative.
How can you though, when those above you have a different agenda. Then you stay too long because the benefits and 401 are so appealing. Until the boss kills the agency and takes off with your 410.
Right now, I need to get back on the path I wandered off of years ago, through my own meandering ways, and with the aid of those mediocre agencies that provided me the walking stick for the journey.
Hey, it was my choice. I know that, just like Ron Artest going into the stands after a fan. We all have a choice.
Like the one I made to head back to adhousenyc for another session in a few weeks.
But right now, I made a less-important life choice: watching my dawgs from UConn against Louisville and just trying to be myself.
Short story longer, I went over to his site for any possible news about the 12 program I applied for.
But looking back in a reverse-karma way, maybe it was my idea for a Super Bowl half-time spot that I put in my application that was my undoing – especially since he's heading up the new Coke biz there.
The idea still rocks though. (Note to CD's and brave clients out there, let’s talk.)
But I digress. Two things I picked up from it though. First, the guy writes good, gooder than most, with no wasted sentences. Something I will use to help improve my writer side.
Second thing is really something we all should do more of: be yourself. Ourselves. Themselves. Whatever. You get the point.
Something we all struggle with when doing work that isn’t the most glamerous. I’ve had plenty of those times. It’s at these times when I’m bitching to my friend ZK about this that he often replies: ‘work is good.’
What he means is that there is value in that act of keeping the lights on for your family even if the work is of no creative value.
I don’t disagree.
But I also know too much of that kind of work leads to a tipping point between the good and the bad inside you. And Mark’s post speaks to that. As he said and as I agree with, you can do well with that kind of work.
But, it doesn't mean the work is always great.
So the challenge is to break the circle, the catch-22, the pattern – and aim higher.
Always higher.
And I’m trying – many people around me know that.
But, it becomes more important to do that no matter what career you’re in – to refocus on your inner goals, the direction you were heading in, the thing you wanted when you left school, (besides a job).
I see this more in retrospect when I look back at a lot of the places I worked at. Sure I made the dead presidents, even though the clients weren’t always the best.
Work is good.
Maybe the owners sold out creatively a long time ago. Maybe it was a place that called account-driven work ‘creative.’ Maybe I talked myself into thinking things would change if I cared more and pushed the creative.
How can you though, when those above you have a different agenda. Then you stay too long because the benefits and 401 are so appealing. Until the boss kills the agency and takes off with your 410.
Right now, I need to get back on the path I wandered off of years ago, through my own meandering ways, and with the aid of those mediocre agencies that provided me the walking stick for the journey.
Hey, it was my choice. I know that, just like Ron Artest going into the stands after a fan. We all have a choice.
Like the one I made to head back to adhousenyc for another session in a few weeks.
But right now, I made a less-important life choice: watching my dawgs from UConn against Louisville and just trying to be myself.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Time to rename Mac OS X.
I love Macs. Coolest computers out there. And new product releases at Macworld? Keep it up Steve, me and my stock love it – even with the Mac entering a new partnership with the Devil.
And with that new half-Mac/half-PC Frankenstein you introduced recently, you’ve always shown why you’re ahead of the curve. But, Steve, can we please come up with a new naming convention for the OS? Panther. Jaguar. Tiger. What's next, Jungle Book characters? “Hey, what are you running there? Mowgli 11.2. Sweet.”
Not.
Now I don't know who has the cat fetish in Cupertino, but I need something new if you’re going to stay on this animal kingdom path. And let's get a few other species involved too, whatta’ ya’ say?
So I have an idea which involves two things I like: take-out and Macs. And if you've worked at enough places like I have, you know that when it's 9:00 pm and you’re on deadline, the Mac AND the take-out menu in the file cabinet are your best friends. But not just any take-out. Not Indian. Not Italian.
I'm talkin’ Chinese people.
Steve, as a friend, it’s for your own good really – let's work in some Chinese restaurant names ok? Open it up to all Asian take-out if you want, just to be PC - no pun intended. The Safari-themed animal park thing you got going, while cute and appealing to the kids in the education demo, just doesn’t have the same flare as say, ‘The Happy Duck – v 11.6.’
This works because most Chinese restaurants are as creative at partnering adjectives with animals as you are with Apple’s products and rock stars.
And so I offer a few possible choices for new operating systems:
1) Joyful Sloth.
2) Panda Joy.
3) Laborious Emu.
4) Elegant Spider Monkey.
5) Wistful Grouse. (My personal favorite)
6) Pervasive Condor.
7) Voracious Dart Frog.
8) Petulant Lemur.
9) Yearning Hyena.
10) Jealous Python.
You get the idea. This has legs though. Your Apple stores could now start to partner with the Chinese restaurants in the food courts. While you wait 45 minutes for a tech, have some lo-mein.
Some Joyful Lo mein.
Call Apple 10 minutes before you leave home, and you’re order is already ready. The packaging could switch to an all-white color scheme. Clean. Minimal. Right in line with their design sense.
Oh shit, I gotta’ go. My order’s ready.
And with that new half-Mac/half-PC Frankenstein you introduced recently, you’ve always shown why you’re ahead of the curve. But, Steve, can we please come up with a new naming convention for the OS? Panther. Jaguar. Tiger. What's next, Jungle Book characters? “Hey, what are you running there? Mowgli 11.2. Sweet.”
Not.
Now I don't know who has the cat fetish in Cupertino, but I need something new if you’re going to stay on this animal kingdom path. And let's get a few other species involved too, whatta’ ya’ say?
So I have an idea which involves two things I like: take-out and Macs. And if you've worked at enough places like I have, you know that when it's 9:00 pm and you’re on deadline, the Mac AND the take-out menu in the file cabinet are your best friends. But not just any take-out. Not Indian. Not Italian.
I'm talkin’ Chinese people.
Steve, as a friend, it’s for your own good really – let's work in some Chinese restaurant names ok? Open it up to all Asian take-out if you want, just to be PC - no pun intended. The Safari-themed animal park thing you got going, while cute and appealing to the kids in the education demo, just doesn’t have the same flare as say, ‘The Happy Duck – v 11.6.’
This works because most Chinese restaurants are as creative at partnering adjectives with animals as you are with Apple’s products and rock stars.
And so I offer a few possible choices for new operating systems:
1) Joyful Sloth.
2) Panda Joy.
3) Laborious Emu.
4) Elegant Spider Monkey.
5) Wistful Grouse. (My personal favorite)
6) Pervasive Condor.
7) Voracious Dart Frog.
8) Petulant Lemur.
9) Yearning Hyena.
10) Jealous Python.
You get the idea. This has legs though. Your Apple stores could now start to partner with the Chinese restaurants in the food courts. While you wait 45 minutes for a tech, have some lo-mein.
Some Joyful Lo mein.
Call Apple 10 minutes before you leave home, and you’re order is already ready. The packaging could switch to an all-white color scheme. Clean. Minimal. Right in line with their design sense.
Oh shit, I gotta’ go. My order’s ready.
Friday, January 6, 2006
How hard is it to hit Reply?
Oh I’m sure some people will be mad at me for saying that. And I’m not talking about friends not responding. In fact, it’s those relationships that allow each of us the latitude to take our time emailing each other back. Because we both know, eventually we will respond to each other when we come up for air. A day, two days, maybe three.
No, I’m talking about cold calls and other business related email that goes unanswered - forever. Tom Hanks in Castaway had a better chance at getting a response from Wilson than I get from contacts I email.
Maybe it’s me.
As Chris Farley pondered in Tommy Boy: “Maybe – I – suck.” Anything’s possible. Now I know I don’t. But how do people know when they don’t even hit “Reply”? Hey, I could deal with people saying “You suck. Not interested.” At least you know where you stand, right?
I’m not even talking about people who have spam filters set up on their email programs. Granted. Not everything gets through firewalls and the like. I admit I myself don’t need the latest stock tips on making FREE Viagra add 10 thousand dollars a month to my, well, you know. So I have my webmail filter that crap out too. (But, I still review that stuff before deleting it, because hey, a good stock tip is hard to find online you know.)
And I’m not even talking about vendors or printers trying to hit up a creative director to run a job on our “brand new state-of-the-art incredible 14-color HeidleReffenHoffer Web-O-Matic Press!”
I’m more polite in refusing people who call and ask for money when I’m trying to eat dinner. Even if they’re collecting for pandas in wheelchairs with one arm and cancer. (The one-arm thing is usually the breaking point for me as I give in though.)
What I’m talking about are agencies or studios that we as creatives submit work to, that don’t respond at all. Worse still, applications to open offers of positions they themselves advertised – on their own website. We’re writers, animators, art directors, etc. This is what we do – network or die man.
If you didn’t want the emails, then don’t tell people to send stuff in! Finding new talent is the lifeblood of any agency. But you mean to tell me an agency or studio will not even take two seconds to respond and hit ‘Reply’? Gimmee a little something and help a freelancer out, a’ight?
Tell me I suck. Anything. I could live with that at least.
Worse, worser, worst yet, I’m talking about emails where I was referred to contact people by someone they already knew who works there now. You act as if you owe us money and we’re here to collect.
It’s the equivalent of walking past someone on the street who you know of, you introduce yourself politely, maybe give them your 25 words or less elevator-pitch intro — and they simply look past you and walk away like zombies in a George Romero flick.
Worse, worser, worst, worsing, yet, this happens with interactive agencies. Agencies that are supposed to be on the cutting-edge of technology. (Pssst. You mean you can’t even program an automatic email to be sent back after submitting saying “We got your submission – and you suck”? Not buyin’ it. Email in an interactive agency is your lifeblood – act like it.
By this point you may be saying, ‘Quit your bitching – pick up the phone.” Yeah, right. I’d have more luck talking to Wilson than getting through to the VM gauntlet out there. If CD’s weren’t responding to emails, no way they want to hear my 1-900 smooth talk as I beg for work.
Worstest yet to the nth power though, hands down – this phenomenon happens 99% of the time with small or mid-size agencies than with larger, well-known ones. No lie, every email I’ve ever sent to a top agency across the country was answered with an email back to me, not just a form on a website. Some even said “Thanks.”
Ah. Now I can die.
Small regional agencies? Nope. If a Fallon, W+K or JWT etc., can find time to respond, then generic agencies with names like “SBD – Synergy Brand Development – a Full-Service Marketing and Communications Agency - Where We’re Synergistic About Your Brand,” can. I may believe it if someone at JWT tells me later they’re too busy to respond – but ABC Marketing in Hoboken?
Ya’ got no excuse.
I will answer the email of anyone who ever takes the time to write me and solicit advice or a has a question. Students, fellow freelancers, etc. Anyone with a good stock tip basically. But someone thought enough of you or your company to take the time to email and get info, maybe some advice on their work perhaps, and your time is so precious you can’t take even five minutes out to respond? To hit Reply?
To tell me I suck?
No, I’m talking about cold calls and other business related email that goes unanswered - forever. Tom Hanks in Castaway had a better chance at getting a response from Wilson than I get from contacts I email.
Maybe it’s me.
As Chris Farley pondered in Tommy Boy: “Maybe – I – suck.” Anything’s possible. Now I know I don’t. But how do people know when they don’t even hit “Reply”? Hey, I could deal with people saying “You suck. Not interested.” At least you know where you stand, right?
I’m not even talking about people who have spam filters set up on their email programs. Granted. Not everything gets through firewalls and the like. I admit I myself don’t need the latest stock tips on making FREE Viagra add 10 thousand dollars a month to my, well, you know. So I have my webmail filter that crap out too. (But, I still review that stuff before deleting it, because hey, a good stock tip is hard to find online you know.)
And I’m not even talking about vendors or printers trying to hit up a creative director to run a job on our “brand new state-of-the-art incredible 14-color HeidleReffenHoffer Web-O-Matic Press!”
I’m more polite in refusing people who call and ask for money when I’m trying to eat dinner. Even if they’re collecting for pandas in wheelchairs with one arm and cancer. (The one-arm thing is usually the breaking point for me as I give in though.)
What I’m talking about are agencies or studios that we as creatives submit work to, that don’t respond at all. Worse still, applications to open offers of positions they themselves advertised – on their own website. We’re writers, animators, art directors, etc. This is what we do – network or die man.
If you didn’t want the emails, then don’t tell people to send stuff in! Finding new talent is the lifeblood of any agency. But you mean to tell me an agency or studio will not even take two seconds to respond and hit ‘Reply’? Gimmee a little something and help a freelancer out, a’ight?
Tell me I suck. Anything. I could live with that at least.
Worse, worser, worst yet, I’m talking about emails where I was referred to contact people by someone they already knew who works there now. You act as if you owe us money and we’re here to collect.
It’s the equivalent of walking past someone on the street who you know of, you introduce yourself politely, maybe give them your 25 words or less elevator-pitch intro — and they simply look past you and walk away like zombies in a George Romero flick.
Worse, worser, worst, worsing, yet, this happens with interactive agencies. Agencies that are supposed to be on the cutting-edge of technology. (Pssst. You mean you can’t even program an automatic email to be sent back after submitting saying “We got your submission – and you suck”? Not buyin’ it. Email in an interactive agency is your lifeblood – act like it.
By this point you may be saying, ‘Quit your bitching – pick up the phone.” Yeah, right. I’d have more luck talking to Wilson than getting through to the VM gauntlet out there. If CD’s weren’t responding to emails, no way they want to hear my 1-900 smooth talk as I beg for work.
Worstest yet to the nth power though, hands down – this phenomenon happens 99% of the time with small or mid-size agencies than with larger, well-known ones. No lie, every email I’ve ever sent to a top agency across the country was answered with an email back to me, not just a form on a website. Some even said “Thanks.”
Ah. Now I can die.
Small regional agencies? Nope. If a Fallon, W+K or JWT etc., can find time to respond, then generic agencies with names like “SBD – Synergy Brand Development – a Full-Service Marketing and Communications Agency - Where We’re Synergistic About Your Brand,” can. I may believe it if someone at JWT tells me later they’re too busy to respond – but ABC Marketing in Hoboken?
Ya’ got no excuse.
I will answer the email of anyone who ever takes the time to write me and solicit advice or a has a question. Students, fellow freelancers, etc. Anyone with a good stock tip basically. But someone thought enough of you or your company to take the time to email and get info, maybe some advice on their work perhaps, and your time is so precious you can’t take even five minutes out to respond? To hit Reply?
To tell me I suck?
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