“We just don’t see ass on the side of the road everywhere we go in America.”

I think that says it all. This outdoor has everything from initial cap madness to quotes like that you couldn’t even think up if you tried.

Tags: Citgo

But wait, there’s more.

•• Always wear protection when reading sheet music.
•• United Artists wanting people to look at them instead of their films.
•• Pulling up your pants and getting a job.
•• The British talking all deep and stuff again.
•• Texting the dead.
•• Lying to consumers? That’s bad right?
•• Dress like a Geico Caveman tonight.
•• Scamp says never. Like, not ever.

Ficticious inspirational Halloween wisdom.

Sometimes, just don’t go in the damn house.

Clever. Clean. Nice.

Tags: Yamaha

Mac-O-Lanterns.

Next year I might try.

Halloween thoughts...

Even though the ‘Official this of that’ is done by everyone these days, no brand of toilet paper has thought of sponsoring Halloween or mischief night yet?

Forgetting the cute Saw/Hostel gorenography for a sec, I’m going old school: Jaws, Alien and Silence of the Lambs? Still the scariest movies I saw in a theatre. Some others worth renting too.

I’m really starting to sound too much like Larry King now.

Scared yet?

Scared yet? You should be. Oh, it’s a real poster.

Tags: trade and industrial

YOU ARE NEXT.

This is old but still makes a cool Halloween Freakagram. To promote Dexter on Fox UK, there’s a site called Icetruck TV from agency Ralph where you can input anyone’s name and info, then have it show up in a fake news report that you email them.

(Via fabric of folly.)

This is why the rest of the world hates America.

You can tell much about a civilized society by the way it dresses up its pets.

I thought the Hillary lacked character.

While the Fred Thompson was just kinda sitting there; didn’t do much for me. Rudy was sassy while the McCain was a little bitter. Vote for your favorite presidential candidate barbecue sauce. Why? Because I find–you decide.

Next up: vote for your favorite candidate condoms.

Hitmoms out to whack The King.

“Take your time.” New BK spot from Crispin makes it look like the end is near for The King.

Tags: BK, The King, Hitmoms

PRstore expands–let me have two logos and one radio spot.

And a Diet Coke. Forget Wendy’s–become a part of America’s fastest-growing retail chain, PRstore, with 41 stores in 18 states. Logos, campaigns and PR while U wait. Who needs messy creatives getting in the way of a concept. Never hear the word emo again. Now, even Bob from purchasing can get his name in CA with a choice of 14 15 campaign templates and 19 20 brand strategies, in your choice of almost four colors. Our expert account people will guide you every step of the way when it comes to your marketing efforts. Make the logo bigger? YOU CAN MAKE IT AS FUCKING BIG AS YOU WANT! How big? THIS BIG! No more ad school grads telling you “Hey man, whoa, too much text, wouldn’t be cool.” WRITE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT–WHITE SPACE IS FOR ARTISTS! You’re paying. Why let taste and a sense of style affect your brand’s look. After all, you know what you like when you see it, right? DAMN RIGHT! And every day is media day–buy the media and we throw in the creative at no extra cost. Remember, every PRstore creative service is also backed by our lifetime quality customer service guarantee:

“We say yes every time, all the time–or it’s free!”

Simple. Clean. Fun. Riester shows how you do an agency promo. (And yes, I’ve left a few holes in walls after one of the scenarios you’ll see.)

Freecreditreport.com: use us or sing like a pirate.

Having done work in this category before, there aren’t too many other things that use fear to play on your emotions like the credit reporting industry. (Maybe life insurance.) Which is why I was surprised to see this funny spot for freecreditreport.com. Usually most of the stuff you see is a really bad informercial–as opposed to good?–or the hacker at work on your identity with the YOU ARE AT RISK: DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU warning. The big sham these services perpetuate however is that they provide free credit reports. They don’t. You’re entitled to one set free from the major credit reporting agencies once a year, rendering this type of service unneccessary. (But for a small fee, they will ‘monitor’ your credit for ‘irregularities.’)

And pirates.

Tags: free credit report

eBay, your loyal friend.

Look at eBay getting crazy auctioning anything. From Rush’s letter to Yankee loyalty. (It’s okay friend, A-Rod is leaving. Give them another chance, please.)

Tags: eBay

Okay, the thing is,

should broadcasters have a deeper voice than Joe Buck, all the players interviewed and even the Boston Red Sox owners–combined? I report–you decide.

Tags: Fox, Jeanne Zelasko

FEMA tries viral.

Well, the government’s interpretation of viral anyway: the fake news conference. A decisive, confident and angry Michael Chertoff was quick to address the handling of the PR surrounding yet another emergency they are helpless to do anything about the San Diego fires. Rest assured America, if a media disaster like this ever happens again, FEMA will be right there to ask the tough questions–even if they’re not real.

Tags: FEMA, Michael Chertoff

I, um, oh, you just have to see it to believe it.

I’ve seen a lotta stuff, but nothing ever like this. Not that it’s not safe for work as much as it’s not safe for people who appreciate a good movie idea. The description for
Repo! The Genetic Opera, (aka Saw meets Cop Rock), says it all:

“In the not-so-distant future when an epidemic of organ failures devastates the planet, scientists gear for a massive organ harvest. A biotech giant comes up with easy organ payment plans, but all financed organs are subject to legal default, including repossession at the hands of repo men.”

Except for maybe its stars: Paris Hilton–and Paul Sorvino? What, he couldn’t get an informercial gig? I only wish Tom Cruise was in this nightmare but he’s busy fighting Nazis.

Tags: Paris Hilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera, I hate musicals of anything

Oh no he didn’t.

Obama takes a swing at Hillary while McCain uses his GOP brethren. Too little too late, or the right time for this strategy? Considering McCain is going old school with the hero thing, maybe Rudy should stop skirting the issue and leverage his personal Nam with a new tagline: “9/11–I was there.” Maybe Hillary needs one too: “No experience? I was there when Bill made important decisions.” Fred Thompson? “When a Russian sub threatened our way of life–I was there.” Maybe to show he’s down with the kids and appeal to a wider audience, add a little something extra:

I was there man.

Tags: McCain, Obama

Apple releases its latest Jungle Book themed OS: Leopard.

Really, what’s next, Puma? Sloth? Mowgli? What about thinking different next time: characters from the original Star Trek or Gilligan’s Island. (Gilligan 14.0–it’s your little buddy.) Don’t laugh, you could get at least 15 major releases between the two shows.

“So, whatta ya runnin there?”
“OS X v12.0 Spock”
“Sweet.”
“Yeah, the entire 11.0 Kirk release was just too difficult to work with. Never got along with all my apps.”

Tags: Apple, Mac OS X Leopard

Human race to one day split into Danny DeVito.

Or a cross between Rhea Perlman and Bjork, not sure which. From Drudge, where else, comes word that humans will one day split into two.

Remember the good old days when tacos meant death?

AdFreak’s been following the Taco Bell free taco for a stolen base promotion, but it got me thinking how their PR people might deserve a raise. Less than 10 months ago, people were avoiding the Bell like a syringe on the floor at a Kate Moss photoshoot. Now? Everyone wants tacos! Sweet.

UPDATE: Unrelated to the promotion, but something I discovered the next day about this. If you mention it, you bring attention to someone who otherwise probably wouldn’t want it, but on the other, it’s a step towards something else perhaps, like maybe the possibility that the Indians and Braves’ logos and mascots might be on their way out.


Tags: Taco Bell

Oh, you KNOW what's coming next.

First these. Now this.

Won’t be long before the Cliff Clavens of the future will be sporting all-white armor driving that.

Just bring me the damn mail already. Although next year I heard they may be going with a Pulp Fiction motif. Imagine, your mail, 30 minutes away but there in 10.



Tags: Yoda stamp

Harry Potter banned in honor of Banned Books Week.

Even though it already came and went, better late than never. So let’s review: If you’re Harry Potter, you can get condoms in school, but if you’re reading about Harry Potter, well, we need to draw the line.*


*See dictionary under something’s really wrong here.

Chevy Malibu–hard to ignore unless you’re an idiot.

Ignore implies choice, no? Are people really choosing to ignore the leader of the American Revolution, Chevy? Well, yeah, they’re buying Toyotas in droves. Not the point though. This spot features one of my peeves: the live action ‘nobody gets hurt Home Alone’ pratfall aesthetic found in way too many spots these days. At least get the remaining dudes from Jackass who didn’t score their own series to run into this thing and react. (Have them aim for a stop sign and not see the car, hilarity ensues, or whatever.) Only thing missing was the jogger yelling out the ubiquitous “No, I’m ok. That’s me. I’m good.” Too bad because I like the more clever bank robber spot a lot more.

Tags: Chevy Malibu

Your AT&T cup. Delivered.

You tell AT&T where you live. Leave a nice message like “I hate AT&T” and get a personalized message back in return. (See cup.) Not sure what I like better as a tag though: More hate in more places, or Your hate–delivered.

Tags: AT&T

Inventors wanted.

Cute campaign for inventnow.org, although good thing someone invented YouTube for when the playback on your site’s streaming vids is choppy.


Tags: inventnow.org

Back when wrestling was real, mister.

Almost. New Canadian Club print ads notwithstanding, wrestling used
to be for real men too.

+ enlarge image



Tags: Canadian Club

The GOP means business while the Dems mean fun!

Like a Spirit Airlines mullet sale, one’s business up front and the other’s a party in back. Same goes for both of these convention logos, which could double as stamps. While the GOP’s looks about thrilling as something from Paraguay, the Dems look they want to party like the Party in 1999! But when it comes to website badges like those found here, both parties merge identities for the good of the country. And like all front lawn campaign signs, looks like they must’ve had a sale on Garamond.

























Tags: DNCC logo 2008, GOP logo 2008, RNC logo 2008

John McCain to Rudy: I see your 9/11...

...and I raise you a Hanoi Hilton. Was wondering how long it was going to be before he whipped out the real hero thing.

Tags: John McCain

$100 laptops anyone?

Hey, buy a cheap Nissan and we’ll throw in a laptop too. Maybe even a bag of marshmallows.

(Image found here.)

Nissan’s $2,500 dollar car.

Sweet! I’m sure the brakes are reliable.

Tags: Nissan

If you talk to Chuck,

tell him he can stop now. See, Fidelty’s may not be any more genuine than Chuck, or as noirish as Control’s, but at least they don’t keep mucking things up with that dumbass Rotoshop effect.

Tags: Charles Schwab, Fidelity

Lake of Fire.

Hat tip to Ernie who mentioned in July that this documentary would be coming out and the trailer looks like it won’t disappoint those seeking controversy. It’s From Tony Kaye who’s last film was American History X. If this manages to get picked up beyond the film festival circuit, I expect this will be talked about for a long time because like Dershowitz says–everybody’s right.

Tags: Lake of Fire

Gore-Text releases new campaign.

“We believe the campaign has enormous leverage on a global basis.” Okay, well typical brand speak aside, Gore-Tex launched a new campaign using an anamorphic theme. I like the various animal-human combinations on the website like the one pictured, but the ton of copy in the print ads dampen what could have really been compelling work. The clean minimal thing can be done with this kind of ‘brand behind the brands’ like a BASF, or a GE.

Tags: Gore-Tex

Help me kill a sock puppet. Please.

I’ll need three or four bloggers, tops. It won’t take long, you’ll be back blogging about car ads in no time. Your country will owe you a debt of gratitude. If you don’t, the real fake testimonial sincerity will spread.

Damn. Too late. I warned you.

Check out the new post office campaign your rate increase paid for.

Spiffy. (You may have to login at the NYT to view.)



Tags: USPS

Holiday troubles? You must need new carpet then.

Jetpacks posted about a Lufthansa spot that lifted some copy from another source, but one other thing else he mentioned highlights one of my favorite ad oxymorons: two unrelated things connected for no apparent reason. I want to be more scientific than this, but I can’t. TUTCFNAR is time-tested in the ad world. The latest example is Empire Carpet’s^* holiday spot. Can’t find the actual clip but literally, they’ve taken most of the footage from this clip , reworked the copy and threw in? A stock holiday shot of a party. And it goes a little somethin like this:

“Need help getting ready for entertaining this holiday season? Then call Empire today ... for new carpets.”

Swear to God. Because you know nothing says holiday like berber. Wonder if the installers are gonna bake those sugar cookies I like too. Maybe help setting up the outdoor lights so I don’t pull a Clark Griswold?

^*For the record and in the interest of full disclosure, I used Empire once. They suck. Their ads suck. They’re expensive. The carpet sucked. The installers who showed up on the job were drunk and cut through not only the wood trim around the edges, but the cable to my subwoofer. Nobody at Empire did anything about it. But I’m not bitter. They still suck. Their song sucks. And I hate the old guy they use in their spots. What’s with that creepy voice?

Tags: Empire Carpet sucks

You guys wanna grab some brews, maybe go get some chicks?

Nah. Hey, when we’re done, let’s see what they’re up to. Cool!


Tags: Lego

“Your honor, what happened was...”

Oh shit, Donald Trump!

Tags: Donald Trump

Fictitious inspirational wisdom.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Proving once again...

that at times like this, the internet is nothing more than someone putting together in one place what you've seen collectively in others some time ago. Now, go look at sexist ads.

Bridgestone’s amazing time-stopping device.

Wait. How’d he get down there. He was just in the cockpit two seconds ago, now he’s on the tarmac. Then he’s back landing the jet. I haven’t seen aviational improbability this amazing since Arnold jumped from the wheel well in Commando and lived. (Wthout getting wet even.) Wait, what, they did it with cars too? Man. That’s some special rubber.

Tags: Bridgestone

Now it’s their turn.

Can’t mention the Dems and Yahoo! without mentioning the GOP and YouTube. Ask your question, upload it and see it evaded live on TV, November 28th.

Tags: Republican debate

Need to raise awareness for your cause? Try a ban.

Save Second Base is the kind of slogan/microsite/viral theme that an agency would come up with: “The campaign to save second base.” (Maybe John Cleese would even show up in a white lab coat.) Instead, it’s the creation of two high school seniors to raise awareness for breast cancer. But school officials banned the shirt, and naturally, what happens next? Like Harry Reid and the Rush letter, more attention drawn to the issue. Demand for shirts along with awareness of the issue is up, something that probably would have never happened otherwise. I wouldn’t be surprised if they appeared on Letterman next week either.

When you watch the interviews though, notice how all the students are concerned about cancer awareness while the adults are the ones worried about the issue of sex. Now while condoms for middle schoolers may be going too far, the cluelessness of principal Waddams is apparent. Don’t tell him: teens are actually experimenting with sex! I always thought this was an approach the Susan G. Kolmen cancer campaign should have taken to appeal to the adult male audience though.

Tasteful is good, don’t get me wrong, but face it: it’s real hard to get guys at an Eagle’s game to wear a pink cap. They need a lot of coercing, and if they do buy one–which I did for the significant other–guys ain’t wearing it around unless it’s funny. Maybe if they used more of an innuenedo angle, they’d reach a bigger audience than the typical “But it’s for a good cause!” pitch. Correction: it’s for two good causes.

I’m on a roll.

Tags: Susan G. Kolmen

Not all geeks dig Axe.

Okay, the code may have been off, but, really, the ad isn’t lying, is it fellas?

Tags: Axe

Mercedes-Benz does BMW, I mean Suzuki, um, almost?

So what car brand is next? Dane Cook driving a Prius and saving the world? Mercedes-Benz tries their hand at the film thing that’s already here and gone. It’s part of the their larger Audi TV Mercedes-Benz TV effort. Good thing automotive companies don’t copy each other–much. Right down to the slow-loading interface.

Tags: Mercedes-Benz

Apple hires sharers of information, not employees.

So that’s the difference. Truth be told though, I’ve never had a bad experience with any of their retail staff. Long lines at times waiting for idiots to show up late at the Genius Bar for tech support maybe, but otherwise, good times.

Tags: Apple store

Another nail in the coffin for CDs.

Showing once again they’re one step behind the times, George over on Adhurl has a story on the record industry’s plans to distribute singles via $10 USB flash drive. Compared to current singles pricing and than the 800 lb. downloading gorilla in the room, that’s absurd. And at the rate technology evolves, I have to wonder now too when USB will go the way of the floppysaurus. Still, this feels more like a futile attempt to deal with the drop in sales of retail CDs than the industry doing something cool. Furthermore, if I don’t get artwork or a booklet with it, small as it may be even with current CD cases, and I’m getting basically the same song as the one I download, why do I even need to go into the store anymore? Except, okay, maybe to stop by Cinnabon. (Can’t help it. Those things are amazing.) Other than that?

iTunes or Amazon baby.

UPDATE: Even SanDisk is trying to get into the preloaded entertainment media game.

Tags: USB singles, iTunes, Cinnabon