If it bleeds, it Tweets?

Or maybe if it tweets, it leads? Yeah, I think that sums up the current Twitter news gathering citizen journalist zeitgeist pretty well, yah?

Okay, this time I mean it. The best infomercial you will ever see. (NSFW.)

(I mean not even remotely safe in terms of the F-bombs dropping.) Admittedly, I toyed with not showing you this so soon after Paula Deen’s Heart Attack, but I had to. You don’t pass on greatness. You just don’t.

Now, I thought when it came to classic combos, they’d nailed it with that Reese’s peanut butter and chocolate merger thing. But then, they go and do this. Who would have ever thought to mix the two genres of Juggalos* and infomercial together? Billed as The Most Controversial Music Festival in the World, the 2009 Gathering Of The Juggalos promises to be even more, um, controversialer.

Where do you start? The one comment on YouTube that the festival is mainstream now. Now? Damn, what were they doing before people noticed it, live sacrifices between sets?
Maybe it’s the host and hostess channeling wigga culture at its fin... worst. May I interest you in some wrestling segments with almost nearly real folding chairs? Or, wait for it...

SEMINARS! Wtf. It’s like podcamp for serial killers. I have to stop there. I really do. You will sit and watch, enthralled, like a car wreck. I promise.

(Via aNYthing glob.)

*Fans of Insane Clown Posse.

So much for the weekend jog.

I’m sure the new Wendy’s work will be way better.

Third shop in two years for Wendy’s. Hmmm. “Brand-building three months ahead of schedule.” Wow, didn’t know you can plan when a brand would right the ship. Hurs the thing: I first ate Wendy’s because the burgers were just better than McDonald’s or Burger King. The waaaay better messaging was waaaaay too cute and Just Right pushing fresh vs. frozen still didn’t resonate for me.

Here’s what would: Errol Morris films this. “We’re Wendy’s. We make burgers. Real burgers.” Or however you want to phrase it. Direct. Honest. Shot cool. No food porn smiling idiots thinking about icebergs. This would keep the franchisees happy and get them back to their roots of old-fashioned* hamburgers and away from The Freak vibe that BK owns.

We make damn good burgers is not a bad place to be.

*Which is something in their logo that goes unnoticed by probably everyone.

Pop—or pop monstrosity? Collect all six!

I bought the pink one—don’t judge. As one commenter’s user generated response shows though, are there just too many references going on? Although I give Pepsi its fair share of crap usually, I like this aluminum bottle series if for no other reason than it stands the hell out. Here’s where it misses for me though: Wal-Mart’s the only chain that carries them. Not sure Wal-Mart can lay claim to an “exclusive” positioning, not for a commodity like po... soda. They’re about cheaper. (Target, sure.) Alternative: These can still be limited in terms of a total run, just increase the variety of chains they’re in.

But why are you speaking that way?

Probably my favorite spot in the Priceline Negotiator series.

American Apparel’s sexy bitches.

That model sure does look young.

Javelina is number 6.

When I come across stuff like this, it’s not fair to keep it to myself. VPI Pet Insurance released a list of most dangerous animals to pets. Javelina? What th...? (It’s a peccary, which is a medium-sized mammal of the family Tayassuidae, member of artiodactyl suborder Suina. Pay attention.) THEY’RE NOT PIGS, only piglike.

The rest of the list?

1. Snake
2. Coyote
3. Raccoon
4. Squirrel
5. Scorpion
6. Javelina
7. Porcupine
8. Ground Hog
9. Skunk
10. Rat

It’s like a turducken of sugar.

I take a certain pride here when talking about things having to do with branding, strategy and the like. But sadly, the posts that get the most comments are the “other” stuff I talk about. Like a little clip affectionately known as Paula Deen’s Heart Attack. LOOK AT THAT FUCKING THING. And what is going on between these two sharing cootie-filled mega doughnutwich like that? But wait, there’s more. Watch around 1:13/1:14 for some other funk going on. Did her assistant try to move in and go for a bite at the same time?

BLESS YOUR HEART PAULA. (What’s left of it.) AND GOD BLESS AMERICA.

(via.)

Trusting—but verifying.

What did I say? You people don’t listen, do you. DO YOU. *shakes head that nobody listens* The Vick Saga™ raises another issue beyond animal cruelty but is deeply connected: Namely, how much are fans willing to overlook and tolerate if it means their team has a shot at winning?

You saw it with Bonds and San Francisco. How much of the outcry actually came from Giants’ fans? When it comes to Vick, teams will line up to take a chance—because they always do. Especially with a game-changer like Vick.

There’s always that GM or coach who thinks they can fix a troubled player because they have the answer. Lawrence Philips anyone? Maybe he didn’t have a tutor? Michael Vick will. Under the guidance of Tony Dungy, Vick will emerge a new man. Interesting though is this notion that league officials want to be alerted over any signs that Vick has fallen off the wagon. The flaw in that thinking?

Nobody had a clue before.

What makes the league think they would now. Nothing he did on the field gave anyone a hint as to what was going on off it. As it is with any player. Think of all the troubled athletes over the years and then draw a correlation to their playing. Could you tell a difference just by looking at them? (Many players with outside problems have said that their playing actually offers them an escape from it all because they can tune out the fans and media.)

The behavior Vick exhibited with animals though is more than a gambling problem or drug addiction fixed by a 12-step and weloveyouvention. That’s the kind of stuff you don’t just easily forget. If I were a cynic, I might think he looked at jail time as a means to build cred because he know coming out teams will still want him.

Based on recent stories about dog fighting busts, it’s not an isolated problem. Vick just happened to get caught. So that’s the other question you need to ask before the upcoming PR blitz. The one where him and cast members from The View share hugs and tears because he’s learned his lesson.

But is he truly sorry—or sorry he got caught? And if he could help bring your team a Super Bowl victory, what would you say then?

(Image via.)

This reconciliation brought to you by Budweiser.

Okay, we’re getting ridiculous. The president’s idea to share a beer with Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge Police Sgt. James Crowley over racial profiling even has a start time of 6:00 PM Thursday? Yea live network coverage in time for old school news cycle! Promotional opportunities abound though: Sponsored by [ insert major beer ]. Seriously, Bud, no-brainer. The beer that crosses party lines?

As for the original inciting event, everyone’s right—and everyone’s wrong.

- Lynn Sweet. The reporter who asked the last question during the president’s address? Right issue, WAY wrong place.

- President Obama. Should have never taken the question, and instead told her to focus on healthcare. Compounded things further by calling out the officer in question. While his arguement about profiling is legitimate, it’s also not the place.

- Sgt. James Crowley. Gates seemed to be grandstanding maybe, but was not physically threatening in the police report, nor does Crowley sound like he’s in immediate danger on audio recordings. The show COPS let maniacs get away with far worse for refusing speeding tickets–without anyone going to jail. If Crowley was led to believe Gates lawfuly belonged there, the behavoir could easily be interpreted as someone pissed because they’re in their own house and being questioned about it. I would. How would anyone else react? I don’t see where Crowley told him that it was two men with backpacks either. The witness implied a break-in, but Crowley sure looked like one of the best-dressed burglars I’ve seen since Clooney in Ocean’s 11.

(I’m going by the police report, and yes, profiling is a problem, my intent isn’t to excuse it away. With several family members who are cops though, second-guessing the police 24/7 doesn’t help, because all officers are affected by that. They make split-second life and death decisions that are completely justifiable that don’t always make the news, yet nobody focuses on those stories. In this case though, it’s clear three different people have differing views on what happened and stuff’s not lining up right.

- Henry Louis Gates Jr. I can’t be inside the dude’s head other than to say the grandstanding sure read as calculated once things escalated. Maybe he felt he had to take advantage of the moment and draw attention because nobody would listen otherwise? They are now.

So yeah, Bud. Sign on for this mess, k?

(Image via.)

10 things about moving.

Way too easy for me to say 1-10: IT SUCKS. But I can’t do that to my loyal readers. I just can’t.

1) A 24’ moving truck parks wherever it wants—no matter how far it sticks out.

2) You’re cutting something the first day. Finger, arm, shin. Pick one.

3) Any blanket in your house just got recruited. To protect chairs there so we don’t have to protect them here.

4) Contents will shift during move. Like the gas propane tank now lodged against the truck’s rear door, all because one Rubbermaid container of records gave way, toppling six others. Subsequently, the use of a 2x4 to pry open said door being the only remedy.*

5) Oh, you can try and hold the gas pedal all way down to go faster, but that didn’t really work back then either.

6) After using it once, you will put an automatic lift tailgate on everything you own.

7) Manville™ admission requirement #34: Handle one or more emergencies while in the middle of lifting boxes. Unjamming shredder in the middle of a three-Rubbermaid container shred? Check.

8) Empty truck on the Westchester Expressway? Mosh. Pit.

9) Any item your kids grew up with and which your spouse holds fond memories of? Will be lodged between a bookcase and about to fall chair when she’s not looking.

10) It sucks.

*This after a thought only guys would have flashes in your head: “HEY, what if I just get in and lurch the truck forward, then hit the brakes. Everything HAS to shift forward away from the door, right?”

People smarter than me.

At the risk of earnest earnestness, this week’s show was one of the best ones I’ve heard yet. And I wasn’t even on it. I’m also not saying that because they work in a nice Plaid Nation segment to wrap up the show either. Angela Natividad, George Parker and Greg Verdino have, well, moxie. (I said moxie.) Basically, it’s marketing talk that doesn’t suck. Download the show directly here. Topics here. (Subscribe through iTunes here.) Then, what? Yep, you can follow us on Twitter: TheBeanCast, Greg, Angela. and George.

Tags: The Beancast

“Reduce the incentive for mischief by her opponents.”

Going a little political today as you may have noticed. I’m in the middle of moving and feeling a little anxious about things, like this new logo for Sarah Palin’s PAC. Hmmm. Some would read that as the U.S. being inclusive to have Alaska in the middle like that, as one of us. Ever the naysaying asshole that I can be at times, and after reading the now former gov’s recent support of Alaskan sovereignty, I’m guessing something else: Alaska is feeling the urge to abandon ship. Brilliant use of negative space as they leave us, I mean the U.S. behind, eh?

But we can’t let them go first without paying back some of the personal money used to fight media meanies:

For Alaskans, the time has come to end the siege on our government by political tricksters. Enough is enough. With the help of reform-minded advocates from across our nation, we will stand up for what is right. Your maximum contribution of $150.00 will allow the Governor, her family, and her colleagues to retire their legal debt at no cost to Alaskans and reduce the incentive for mischief by her opponents. Together, we can help Governor Palin and future elected officials turn back the tide of overtly partisan and unnecessarily personal political attacks.

Do your part, won’t you?

Sure, it always starts out nice...

Reality series. On Twitter. Own cereal. Wants Vick back in the league. Yeah, I’d say the TO Show™ is now in full-effect in Buffalo. Like a Cubs’ fan, I always start out each year hopeful though, so nobody ruin the good thoughts in my head.

*LA-LA-LA-LA-LA NOT LISTENING TO YOU PEOPLE LA-LA-LA-LA*

Gun control? Fun control! Make mine pink.

OMG! It’s so cute! Especially when you can take it with you at gun shows. Which was a segment I caught on 60 Minutes last night. My proclivities on the issue already made known here previously (this country was founded on them, they’re not going anywhere soon), but not even the most ardent NRA member can support letting someone walk into a gun show and walk out with fully-automatic weapons and ammo to match—without an instant background check.

There is simply no argument that justifies it.

What I find the most interesting about the issue is that Columbine survivors can ultimately affect Wal-Mart’s decision to carry ammunition, yet Virginia can leave this show loophole open. One set of laws please. Thanks, bye.

Leslie Stahl in the segment though points out how surprising it is that gun sales are up.

That would be fear actually, not surprise. If you watch two minutes in or so, you see the rational up close and personal. Because we’re in times like these, it’s okay to round up the argument to the nearest scare tactic and assume the worst: Economic collapse means your neighbors are coming for your food.

Better stock up. Now.

I can’t control that mindset, but, how about this for an idea: If the police can run instant checks on people during routine traffic stops, and, since police are often hired to work overtime for things like utility company street work, why not have them work gunshows to conduct all the background checks? They’ll have better access to important info. Anyone with a criminal background is instantly flagged. The gun show retailers would all have to pay a fee to offset the nominal costs. Win-win!

That is, until Obama takes all the guns.* Well, most of them.

*Second fear tactic.

I’d say this qualifies as must-see.

How do you make the original Tron relevant again and still break through everything that’s come out since? Legacy sure the hell looks like they did it.

Snitches get stitches!

Here’s the less blatant of the radio spots I heard this weekend on snitching from the National Crime Prevention Council. In this one they back off the Jack Webb delivery of the one that has the “Snitches get stitches!” line, but listen to the pure fear delivered in typical Hollywood fashion, a warning to scared WASPs everywhere. Time to get McGruff with people? You bet. Imagine being confronted by one of these “thugs” who look a little too clean to be, well, a thug. They wear a leather jacket with upturned collar, maybe out pops a switchblade? (Hey, isn’t that Jeff Goldblum?) HOLD ME!

Meanwhile, the real culture advocating a don’t snitch policy will never. hear. this. message. Least not in the way it’s presented here. But hey, if it makes soccer moms feel better. Word.

When it absolutely, positively has to be blown up overnite.

So, what can we do to get you into one of these today?

Or, you’ll get brained by a train.

I saw this new campaign out to warn people in Norfolk, VA about being more alert at railroad crossings. Seems like taking a wrecked car around to high schools with bodies in it might have more of an effect. You wonder if this stuff ever gets through to people like it’s supposed to when you have stories like this. Maybe the driver saw safety videos in school but didn’t think it could happen to him, or maybe he saw one too many scenes in movies where they got away with it. I don’t know what the answer is, but I don’t think creepy brain mascot takes a serious enough approach in addressing it.

But wait, there’s more.

– It’s like evil Harlequin spam. Each one, a gem.
– Fired for future just cause?
– More WWII MIAs than you know.
– Because only “hungry young guys eat there.” Oh, okay.
– If I’m dancing 24 hours? The night’s not ending in fondue.
– Viral + crowdsourcing.
– Best start to a former job incident story...
– Nissan’s cinema sunroof.
– SighFy.
– Not only does airline food suck, you get less of it!
– Kodak film fun time.
– Go ahead, step in it. It’s actually not real. For true.
– Facebook + Apple? Almost. (Via.)

Coke vs. Pepsi.

Not much left to say after seeing this side by side. So much for a rebranding.

(Via.)

Plaid Nation Tour - Day 5.

(This is cross-posted from Brandflakes.)

As guest blogger and Plaid Nation Touree, I thought I might add another perspective on the experience. (Be sure to check out the daily madness over on Plaid’s official tour blog.)

What started out three years ago as an alternative to the typical self-promotional efforts by agencies–holiday themed microsite or “We’ve Moved!” postcard—has grown into something bigger than even Darryl had originally planned.

In edition to regional sponsors the Q Hotel, there’s Ford, Sprint and Subway. Ad Age has a profile of it in their Small Agency Diary. In addition to the growth of Plaid’s client list, new industry connections have sprung up for almost everyone involved. Not too bad for a little POS van with wireless.

Speaking of, lest you think it’s all cupcakes and Graceland, the hours are long. It’s pretty much an 8:00 am to 10:00 pm gig: Load the van > drive > meeting > drive > food > drive > funky place > drive > meeting > drive > food > unload > check-in. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Every single day.

In between it all, you still need to keep in touch with your regular workflow. Then there are the “other” tour elements. If you’re not shooting pics, you’re on Twitter—in the backseat on less than perfect roads going 75 mph. Or you’re responding to an IM or DM to the van.

Then there’s the uploading, describing and tagging of said pics. Or watching what you say because the mics are live. Video? While Ryan handled it the first year, Renato’s on it now—along with his 65lb backpack that goes everywhere he does.

Tired yet? Good. Now, try digitizing video in the backseat on less than perfect roads going 75 mph. Then editing it.

By this point in the tour, you get into a daily rhythm though of all that has to be done. It’s NASA, well, more like NASCAR precision as everyone has an assigned job to handle.

You also do a lot of this in the hottest part of the summer. AC cranked? OH, you have no idea. That’s not even including the other dynamic that kicks in: Trying to remember what city you’re in. All of a sudden you Channel Motley Crue: “This is Tennessee, right? No, dude, that was yesterday. We’re in Arkansas.”

“I think.”

And after going through that for two weeks straight however? You wouldn’t trade it for anything because it is the single best time you will ever have in your life working for an agency.

They’re so cute at this age.

Older spot for Reservoir Dogs, the video game. (NSFW.)

Free Subway Friday.

I wish it were more glamorous than that, but it seems Plaid has a nice collection of FREE Subway cards they need to give away. DID I MENTION FREE? This keeps Subway the tour sponsor happy and keeps Plaid happy. If you win? It will keep you happy.

So here’s the deal: This Friday morning, 7/24 for three hours starting 9 am to 12:00 Noon Eastern, Plaid will pick five people on Twitter at random and give them each one $5 dollar gift card. (15 total.)

All ya have to do: Tweet something interesting that you wrote yourself using the tags: #plaidnation and #subway

Facts, fiction, whatever. BE CREATIVE. No adult content, no illegal stuff, yatta. Basically, follow Twitter’s TOS.

The other rules:
1) Your update has to have those two tags above.
2) It must be within the hour specified. (First hour tweets end at... 10:00 am, and so on.)
3) To avoid spamming up the place, please, one tweet per person, per hour. This helps focus your brilliance into one amazing update. (So, yes, one person can have three separate tweets over the three hours, just not at once.)
4) You can only win once in the three hours.

Winners will then be asked to contact rj *at* plaid.com with their winning tweet, name and valid mailing address, Winning tweets will also be viewable on Plaid’s tour blog each day.

Spam 2.0: “Snexuality And Power Of Control - Postmodernist.”

Spammers upping their game. No clever chart this time, just the pure raw power of Snexuality! Think of the possibilities though: Snexting could end up being the next big thing across college campuses this fall. Snexual healing perhaps? Then, they add a little postmodernism to the equation. Suh-wheat. Although, it also makes a good book title too. What to do. So many choices.

Let’s take a look at some other visual combinations, shall we?





Snexuality And Power Of Control - Postmodernist.










Snexuality And Power Of Control - Postmodernist.









Snexuality And Power Of Control - Postmodernist.










Snexuality And Power Of Control - Postmodernist.




Images: via, via, via, via.

Net, working.

It’s sad when they can’t let go of hope, innit?

“I got a guy in a wheelchair who does backflips.”

That’s all the press release had to say instead of the 20 paragraphs I got.

You had me at blackflip. HowStuffWorks.com has a video series out on, um, how stuff works. One such clip shows Aaron ‘Wheelz’ Fotheringham, who was born with Spina Bifida, nailing the first backflip in a wheelchair while missing others.

Nike, this is the stuff you should throw a fucking Swoosh™ on, faceplants and all, not just these dudes.

Putting the art in Antarctica.

Cool execution of the first art installation on Antarctica from Belgian photographer Wim Tellier. Yeah, where penguins live and polar bears don’t. That South Pole. The old guy is actually a large printout made up of individual pictures and is massive. Check out the video of the production as well as the Flickr set.

What’s up with GM and Chrysler.

The spot above is from a few months ago depicting GM on the other side of bankruptcy. Having just purchased a fine quality GM product right before they filed, I asked our salesman if we’d have a dealer to come back to the following week. Rest easy people, we did, and we still do. Yea America!

(At this point, the National Blogging Disclosure Act of 1976 requires that I mention Ford’s sponsorship of the Plaid Nation Tour as well as Plaid’s work with Segway on their GM P.U.M.A. project.)*

So, along the way to New Carville, I heard all the pitches and read all the brochures, and there’s no way GM all of a sudden found their way three months later. Not really sure that changing the message is the answer as GM’s new marketing head Bob Lutz seems to think it is. Neither is counting on Toyota to falter much of a strategy either.

Was Chapter 11 supposed to be the wake-up call the industry needed though? Because if it was, I’m not seeing it in a series of new regional spots, which all seem to be more of the same with dealers throwing thousands in rebates at consumers. When I see this, none of it addresses the things that convinced me to buy a GM in the first place.

The same Chrysler warranties that I wouldn’t bite on before the bankruptcy are supposed to convince me now?** The quality is better? Couldn’t have changed that much since test drove almost everything out there three months ago.

There’s a tangential point to all of this: When does the general role of the advertising industry start to share in some of the blame?

I know BBDO was on the hook for $58 million when Chrysler filed, but the agency billed 1.2 billion in 2007. Say it with me again, with verve please: 1.2 billion. A lot of agencies made a lot of money off Detroit for a lot of years, so excuse me while I don’t shed too many tears there.

I don’t mean blame agencies for lagging sales either, because again, you need to put it back on the automaker to develop a better product that people want. But when it comes to the cost of exotic spots and epic CGI in ridiculous spots? Only thing that seems to show people is how much money automakers and agencies know how to blow.

Call me hero of the working man and grunts everywhere, but there’s something wrong about an agency collecting an award for a spot while the autoworkers on that same brand are out of a job. Yes, we live in a free market, so charge whatever it will bear and profit off it when things are good. But when have the networks ever cut brands and agencies a significant, long-term break in their rates during significant, long-term hard times?

It’s not enough to argue that the cost of marketing is a necessary evil and is still a small percentage of an automaker’s overall revenue stream. Not when a few brands felt this point was valid enough to keep them out of this year’s Super Bowl.

If good advertising can’t save a bad product, and most everyone agrees a lot of the problems lie with the auto industry and how it’s run, maybe it’s time agencies toned down the spend on the message so Detroit can focus on those products.

How does the spot up top do even come close to doing that though, because I sure don’t know.

Before this recent mess started, GM had actually tried to address some of those negative perceptions with GMFactsandFiction.com, but maybe the baggage of the entire industry was too much for one company to take on.

While the warranties have gotten better, the rebates bigger, I still don’t see an appreciable difference in quality from either Chrysler or GM. With Ford though, I did, and was this close to deciding on them for that reason alone. (What’s also missing is any mention of how messed up and archaic the sales process is, because short of Saturn’s no-haggle policy, nothing’s changed with salespeople in general.)

The biggest thing working against GM and Chrysler that no ads have addressed? Taking federal bailout money. They allude to bankruptcy but never mention the other component of that. This did more to hurt their attempt at bouncing back than anything else, and will take some time for people to start believing in the two companies again.

It’s for this reason that Ford seems better positioned to me. They’ve had over half a year to focus on the things the other two are just now trying to get around to relative to better product and social media efforts—and, well, they didn’t take the money.

Right or wrong, that message will resonate for some more than a nice warranty does. Least it did in my informal focus group where the majority gave Ford props on this point alone. The indirect good will generated from that move is invaluable.

But hey, maybe I’m wrong and Chrysler will come out with a 300,000 mile warranty and turn this thing around.


*The GM work might be considered indirectly related to Plaid, but, bloggers get bitchy about that stuff doncha know, so I’m disclaiming with extreme prejudice. Besides, I bought a new fucking Saturn. That pretty much qualifies me to speak my mind, no?

**Hyundai’s warranties were probably the most attractive of all, but no way I would buy one based on the overall performance and quality of the vehicle.

(Images via, via.)

Michael Mann’s 60 Minutes.

Speaking of journalistic ethics, I forgot about this “story.” I saw part of a new NBC show Monday called The Wanted. Didn’t know what it was at first but two people were in an interview talking about catching terrorists, shot in a style that looked as compelling as any good documentary or film.

Because of that dynamic, I didn’t immediately make the connection that it was 60 Minutes 2.0. In this case, it’s one topic covered for an entire season: Tracking down terrorists.

Once I knew what the show was about though, I felt a little let down. You expect a reporter to cover a story by staying out of the way and not becoming a lead actor in it. (Deadliest Catch does a better job in this regard. Host Mike Rowe’s voiceover helps define things and keep pace without him getting in the way of the actual stories.)

It’s not just that though, it’s more the notion of having to make most news stories sexy by using cinematic moves that distract, all because people won’t sit still for the same old same old?

Of course news is interesting when it has a compelling story to tell, but again, this is NBC pushing the newsfotainment line with a new approach that immerses the viewer.

Their recent strategy of massive product integration on shows and in the news is either going to pay off big, or be the thing that finally helps kill any discussion of news & ethics. (That, and the inevitable Apple and Pepsi logos in the New York Times masthead.)

Can’t blame just them though. While the Geraldo Riveras of the world have always been around, recreations of historical events have undergone radical changes since the slow zoom and pan days of PBS. Then Ken Burns added in sound effects to battle scenes and the rest is... history. (Ouch.)

The next iteration of News 2.0 had Scud Studs during Gulf War I jockeying for position amongst the evening news’ extended coverage. CNN also covered this re-imagining of the classic war correspondent, but there really were only so many Wolfs to go around. While others seemed more concerned with their look than what they were looking at.

Nowadays, amazing animations recreate historical events with NASA-like precision on any number of shows, so it’s probably natural to see some creep occur when it comes to influencing the news.

Which is what I suppose The Wanted ultimately does. It makes stories palatable for people needing important topics fed to them a certain way. (Man, would I LOVE to see what Renny Harlin would do with the issue of farm subsidies.) Don’t go by me though. I could just as easily watch a compelling segment on 60 Minutes as an episode of Deadliest Warriors.

Sometimes I even watch the news.

Get paid to shape the news.

“Where being first is all that matters. We’ll confirm the rest later.”

Original post title: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, but you people expect more from me, doncha. See, in my day, the only citizen journalists who were paid were newspaper boys.

So now, because I have a blog and Twitter account, I can not only help spread half-truths and definitive unreliable alternative factoids, I can profit from them? Sign. Me. Up. How will Ariana Huffington ever hope to compete with that model?

But, much as it pains me, I might as well lump paid reviews, PPP and this approach to paid content all together. As I said in an earlier post on the death of the news, traditional media still calls the shots when it comes to the legitimacy and accuracy of all the news reporting that happens, as well as being the main source of content for the blogosphere to run on.

When you introduce money into the equation, it encourages quantity, not quality. Yes, news anchors on CNN get paid to report things. But I think I’ll trust their system of checks and balances over mine.

That still won’t stop the CJs across the country from rubbing their collective hands together in a get-rich Dr. Evil manner however:

“If I can file three stories a day at $25 a pop, that’s almost nearly close to $1,600 a month!”

The inevitable counter argument will be that only citizen news covered these recent events first: The Iranian elections, US Air Flight 1549 and the Mumbai terror attacks.

And your point would be?

Remember that imaginary tagline up top: Being first is not the same as being right. Twitter and social networks have no obligation to get it right, only to get it first. Social networks, while seemingly open and honest—they’re not—are at best unfiltered B-roll in so many cases.

Worse, they can be manipulated to help shape the story either as it develops or in the days that follow. Traditional news couldn’t allow that unless it was their people doing the shaping.

Why get swayed by the impact of 10,000 people with cell phones covering an event when you have no sense of context or explanation for what you're seeing? While this whole rant may have come off as me supporting the traditional newsgathering process as we know it, far from it.

The hubris found in journalism always gets me, that somehow the industry is above it all because it has to follow certain principles that blogs do not—or won’t. I understand that.

But that’s also the same thing that has so many longstanding news outfits looking around to blame everyone but themselves when the doors are chained shut.

I also get the arguments of old vs. new journalism too, how the establishment needs to undergo change or face extinction, but until then, traditional media will continue to view citizen journalists as part of their news snitch ring. Great, you tweeted about an event first.

Now, step aside and let real journalists take it from here.

A urinal is now following me on Twitter.

This is a follow-up to my recent post on Falcon Waterfree. You know, PeeGreen, the urinal people. After it ran they started following me, leading to an email from VP of Marketing Randall Goble who thanked me for my comments. Which, after I went back and reread, might have come off as a bit harsh.

Although not directed at them per se, rather, the larger category of people on Twitter who blast product info and little else. Still, I could see where he should’ve been more annoyed than he was for me calling them out.

It’s the kind of thing too where brands hesitate doing anything online because bloggers are always watching and pointing out the little things. Not always, but, point taken. People in advertising and marketing tend to notice executional details more than consumers might, but, they also watch for things that really stand out too. Just do something interesting and the rest will take care of itself.

What I referenced back to him was George Parker’s favorite Blentec Will It Blend series everyone knows, and how a seemingly bland product like a blender took on a new life for the category simply by blending anything.

It’s also the kind of thing that a brand without a large marketing budget can do. This addresses a common complaint found here in the comments of the beach tampon stunt post, where one brand felt they can’t compete with a guerilla stunt simply because they don’t have the money.

Not that I suggest a Will It Flush series, because, well it’s been done, but Falcon’s on their way with the tone of their Twitter updates. (Maybe a How Much Can It Hold?) The thing that makes Blendtec work though is that it appeals to a wide audience. People like seeing cool stuff like blenders destroying iPhones.

But it’s not just them, you can take any product and find a way to connect with consumers simply by doing something interesting with it, something other than what it may have been intended for. For example, you own Acme Vice company. Vice = boring, right? So you put stuff in a vice and see how much pressure it takes to crush things. And so on...

The other thing here is that Falcon was aware enough of what was being said to reach out. It’s one of the other components to all of this stuff: Finding out who’s talking about you. What good is publishing a content stream if you aren’t monitoring both directions in and out of your brand?

Now I can say I follow a urinal on Twitter.

But wait, there’s more.

– Six years of still awesome. World’s tallest virtual building.
– Have hack headlines?
– “Sometimes, you just gotta say, ‘OK, I still have nine live, two-headed animals’ and move on.”
– Virginity Restoration System.
– Thank God for the telephoto.
– Porn advances tech—always. Does this make Stephen Hawking Larry Flynt?
– Speaking of, bedazzled coding “models.” (Almost nearly NSFW.)
– Non-believing them here, so we don’t have to over there.
– Makeover? Or rescue.

Sup, Philly credit playas!

Let’s see Coke do something this tasteful.

At first, you think they may be overdoing it a bit with the crazy gamer reaction thing.

Until you see this clip.

Screw the movie, we got titles!

The Art of the Title Sequence is an awesome site devoted to great film openings. The things that used to suck but which have gotten better and better over the years. Mostly. Everything from Reservoir Dogs to the underrated U-Turn.

(Via kwwphoto.)

I’m bad and I’m nationwide.

So if you’re stuck behind the Flex this week on I-90 in Rockford HOME OF CHEAP TRICK (and cheap bar tricks), now you know where to direct your angst.

I hate the song but love this faucet.

This Delta spot from Leo Burnett features something I wish they had years ago: Automatic touch on/off control. Seriously, this would have saved me hours of swearing. Okay, minutes of swearing. Now that skill I honed of being able to turn knobs and dial phones using only my elbows will go the way of a Smith-Corona. That was a typewriter. See, they had these keys that you pressed, and a little handle for...

Anyway, they also plan to run banner ads (seen here), even though I’d like to see more interactivity from them. Why not touch any part of the faucet to start or stop by dragging a hand or something? Each time a different hand appears, it has the different kinds o’ messy found in the TV spot. Now you’re spending more time with the brand and reinforcing the idea of touch, which is what the product is about.

That’s why I get a little crazy at times. These things are too easy to figure out, so much so that when you don’t see it being done in integrated campaigns like this, you feel like slappinahead. As for extending the concept and engaging people even more, have people on YouTube submit all the ways they’d try and turn one of these things off, or did in the past.

Here’s the answer for the inevitable arguement that comes up in times like these: “We didn’t have enough money in the budget for that.” All I can say is: If. You. Had. Money. For. TV. Spots. You. Had. Money. For. A. Cool. Flash. Banner. Or. YouTube. Page.

And Sesame Street fans out there or not, I hate that song.

Double-Duty time.

While the kids are out with dad’s Flex on tour, I’m helping out over on BrandFlakes For Breakfast along with Ask Dabitch from Adland and Ben from Thought Gadgets. As the tour ramps up, there’ll be a few new things this year in terms of promotion that they’re going to try on the way to NOLA. In August. Yeah, I said it. August. Not having been there, I gotta think it’s somewhere at the intersection of Miami + Mojave.

Um, mom, by any chance did you say something at last night’s board meeting?

I’m not afraid to tackle the hard subjects like one person with an agenda at a board meeting. As one comment on YouTube summed it up perfectly: What a waste of anger.

Never rip off Seagal—ever.

So I was trusting the French with Mel Gibson in The Patriot this weekend, and finally went to look up said French actor’s name, Tchéky Karyo originally from Turkey, not France. Basically because he’s one of two French actors I like or am even aware of. Jean Reno being the other. (It’s that Sam Jackson always cool for no reason vibe.) But as with any search at IMDB, they throw out all possible results for every word you enter. And there he was. Mr. Badass reverse wrist snap throw. 10 years earlier with his version of The Patriot. Whoa. Not cool Mel. Think a musket is any match for Kosa-Dori Koshinage? Maaaaybe William Wallace and that Claymore, but I kinda even doubt that too.

You get a pass this time. This time.

People hate grandmothers with jetpacks.

No, really they do. And I mean, not jetpacks, but the real Jetpacks aka Dave Wilkie aka Where’s My Jetpack was on the show last night. It’s good times! Twitter RFP mania, Microsoftmania and Staple’s Easy button madness. No SEO talk though, so it was a good week. As for grandma hate? Here’s the original clip that can get you thousands of new unfollows GUARANTEED!!! How can you mad at Clara? SHE HAS HER OWN DVD NOW. Anyway, John Wall joined the fun. Download the show directly here. Topics here. (Subscribe through iTunes here.) Then, what? Yep, you can follow us on Twitter: TheBeanCast, mtlb, John and Dave.

Tags: The Beancast

What they shoulda done was — Post-it Notes™ edition.

UPDATE: And then they went and did this. *Hmmm.*

Whenever I see a brand missing an opportunity to do something cool with little or no effort on their part, I never know if I should file it under a single category because, like a mechanic, once I get in there and start looking around, I find other stuff.

Forgetting the usual phrases like connecting the dots or brand integration, I can tell right away what the woulda, shoulda, coulda is that’s missing when I look at something. Call me, for lack of a better word... The Brand Whisperer.™

I KID.

Stickies®. Post-Its®. Post-It Notes®. Whatever you want to call them, 3M has parlayed little colored paper with non-permanent adhesive stuff on the back into a nice run. They created a brand category that crosses over both the office and home markets, something few products manage to do this successfully.

So I saw a short film called Post-It Love, about love in the workplace told with, duh, stickies, then saw other stuff being done with them. Things like a stop-motion version of Donkey Kong with full-size characters made of stickies. (Look, I’m not writing the full name out with that “®” each time kids. Deal.) There were other clips using them in different ways too, from student work to office pranks.

I then went to their website figuring I’d see a collection of all of these things, but instead, what I saw was the most corporate-looking approach to product videos going. They’re obviously well-produced and all, but the fake, over the top tone is the complete opposite of the vibe created by a community doing really cool stuff with the same product.

Instead, watch Sophie say cool 15 times.

Especially when compared with their very safe kids section. Creativity’s about coloring outside the stickies, no? (For starters, why not teach kids how to use them to create a simple mask animation? All the schools across America enter for a chance to win stuff for their school. Endless possibilities.)

You’d also expect to see a YouTube page with their own clips and anything tagged Post-It from YouTube Land, but nope. Dead. Even the link from their site to their contest page for One Million Uses is dead.

I don’t ever get in cases like this why brands choose to ignore the level of engagement I see created online for free. *wall, meet head* It’s either a brand sleeping, or lawyers controlling the PR firewall.

Hey 3M, the cool’s out there, grab hold of it. Woulda, shoulda, still can.


Tags: 3M, Post-It

Not suitable for children. So?

Just getting ya ready for the NFL season with some user-generated cell phonage. Pacman Jones is shown in this clip doing what most 23 year-olds do: Converting $40 large into singles, then making strippers disperse, did, he? Yes, as the video shows. But the cool parts are first, the repeated warnings by ESPN that the clips are not suitable for children.

Okay first of all, that’s as useful as the age verification on a beer website. Children, or anyone, can access the site. Warnings do what again? That’s right, just shout the answers out when you know them!

Warnings make you wanna look.

Besides, it’s not like adults are scanning ESPN with a kid looking over their shoulder, are they? Despite the singles raining down, you can pretty much guess clicking on any link with “Pacman Jones” in it does not have a “happy ending.” Again though, 40K in singles? That’s close to 90 lbs and 14’ tall. Who carries that much around?*

Better still in the subsequent response is Jones’ attorney Worrick Robinson who could be working Hollywood as a PR flack. I think he may have even just convinced me smoking is healthy. He even went for the tried and true “He’s just 23 years-old” line.

Remember the last time someone tried that?

*Cooler than strippers fighting over singles is that there actually is a site that calculates the dimensions of money.

Band or captcha?

Which ones are real bands and which are captchas?

1) amo joy!
2) the hopewell
3) sassing more
4) Idaho census
5) lupe fiasco
6) tri tuny


Highlight the area after this sentence for the answer: 2, 3 and 4 are captchas.

Well, no, the news has been dead for some time, and that’s just the way it is.

The most ironic Drudge front page ever? Journalistic ethics aside, how news has been reported has been undergoing changes for a few years now. Seeing that one page today though encapsulated it all. Cronkite and Murrow, the original link portals, have given way to newspapers and branded newsvertainment, and, well link portals that ironically, rely on traditional media sources.

If you have the chance, take a look at this in-depth breakdown of just how Drudge has done it from 2002-2008. While basically a portal for every major news outlet in the world, he does manage to write NY Post-worthy headliner that inflame and amuse. His self-proclaimed centrist leanings aside, it points out something I’ve noticed these past few years:

Much as they bitch about it, the online blogging community needs traditional media.

Oh, and vice-versa. Any blogger that’s run a post about how print and traditional papers are dead miss or ignore one point—many of them reference articles from those same publications in their media dead pool.

That’s splitting hairs of course. I know there’s a difference between the death of physical papers and the bigger notion of “traditional” journalism. Point being, you can’t say traditional journalism is dead, then turn around and use articles from those same sources as blog fodder to riff on.

The financial survival of papers is a longer topic for another post, except to say that while the New York Times may be thinking of a subscription model, I think you’ll need the majority of news sites to join in with them to make it work.

Adding to the mix, news outlets like CNN and MSNBC who are online have the luxury of being supported by their cable channels. Why would you have to worry about banner ads when TV revenue has your back?

(To survive online, maybe local papers should look to sports. Thanks to revenue sharing, the Yankees help make it possible for smaller market teams to survive. Newspapers already have the infrastructure in place. They could agree to align themselves with one of the four major TV networks and be their online affiliates.)

Otherwise, they might lose more readers than they gain. Loyalists say they prefer the level of reporting found in the Times, but who gets their news from only one source anymore? Including sources that don’t have the heritage of a Times or Wall Street Journal.

I don’t mean citizen journalists either. That whole mess is still playing out. Right now, the unfiltered B-roll that is citizen journalism only has one advantage: It’s first. Thing is, being first is not the same as being right, which reinforces the earlier point: Most people who break stories on social networks like Twitter still look to traditional news outlets to confirm their endless Retweets.

Both worlds need the other.

Still, maybe you should take a drive by the New York Times and other major publications while you can. It’s not often you get to show your kids a living breathing dinosaur.

Just what does he say to women anyway?

So an almost nearly mostly Real Hitch started following me on Twitter. Had to see if it was for real, because, well, I keep it real. Real? Check! I came across a link there to the PUA Method in the UK. (Pick-up-Artists)Method. Like, Subway sandwich “artists,” only without the olives and shit.) Meet some of your instructors like Cupid, the Bruce Lee of PUAs.

“PUA (Pick-up-Artist)Method is the First Ever PUA Company to teach Natural Attraction through Zen Mindsets and Tools, harnessing the Power of Self Development.”

Not that I need help with Mommy Bloggers™ or anything, but with techniques like Fast Kino Escalation, How to Fry Emotional Circuits and How to Peacock Correctly, I am so scoring next PodCamp. And all for £287. (That’s almost nearly mostly $500 dollars.) Or maybe you need help talking to hot women on this side of the pond? Then try the master UDC (Underground Dating Coach.)

Excuse now me while I go play that clip back and try and read playa’s lips.

Weekend YouTubage.

Think Behind The Music meets Inside the Actor’s Studio. Classic Albums is a nicely done documentary series on classic albums. Each one is about an hour long and features some or all of the original artists talking about how the albums were made. Then, with an engineer, they break down some of the more popular songs into their individual tracks so you hear how the mix is affected. I saw one on Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours playing in Hollywood video, but you can also get it on Netflix. If you’re a behind the scenes junkie like I am, this series is worth a look. You’ll can also spend time going through their YouTube page for preview clips from other artists like Jay Z, Paul Simon, Zappa and so on.

Let’s bury grandpa at the beach.

For an additional charge, we can do a tasteful in-sand headstone that matches the natural rock formations of the surrounding area.

What the...?

Elvis: The Bark Mitzvah.

Geek cakes.

There are NO Z-rays.

Martin Robin Lewis.

Ronald McDonald breaks the 4th wall.

Victoria Jackson’s Bucket List.

Nixon resignation outtakes.

85 ways to decorate your house with Xmas lights.

(Image via.)