Trust in Lee’s.

1:03 of pure locksmith gold baby! Is that Darnell doubling as both locksmith AND angry ex? “Here at Lee’s, we skip the extra actor and pass KEY savings on... to you.”

Because you always try to forget your first time.

In advertising, at least. Freshmen ads people. We all have them. I mean, I did, until I burned mine in a roaring fire along with the Ozzie CDs that priests warned us about. Check out more first ad goodery here.

Philly gets fierce with trash.

Philly takes on a different kind of trash with a new Unlitter Us campaign from the Philadelphia Recycling Office. Each clip pairs a solo musician with one of five spoken word performance artists laying down riffs on keeping the city clean. I would have loved to see a version with them doing these in the street (or at least outside), because I’m not feeling any connection to the problem, not with people standing in a studio space. Minor thing also, but why not give the artists some love and tag their full names and include their urls, either in clips, the PRO campaign page or their YouTube channel. (Wasn’t that hard, right?)

(Agency: LevLane, Philly.)

AdVerve - 25 Sexy Time!

We didn’t intend to go where we did, WE JUST ENDED UP THERE IS ALL, OKY?. From Ricky Martin to fidelity in marriage (and Tiger Woods’ lack thereof), to copywriting jobs for adult film titles, no stone was left unturned this week.

Fear not, for some things we cover are SFW. Like Tim Burton and the idea of adapting classic books always pissing someone off. Oh, and because we have a thing for film, why do people always a foreign language in their native tongue perfectly, but just fake a bad accent? We tell you. Nobody else will, but we do.

Find out why God hates people who yell during the quiet parts of songs. Oh, and we also invent a device to rid YouTube of shitty videos. (We’re looking for funding, so, email us on that.)

We also balance the narsty with the beautious, too. SO there.

Play the show now. (Or right-click to download directly.)

Subscribe via iTunes:

Topics:

00:00 – 1. Accents in film
06:33 – 2. Tim Burton’s House of Adaptations
14:44 – 3. Tiger Woods House of fidelity
21:15 – 4. Something nice in YouTubetopia
26:08 – 5. Chatroulette guy
29:33 – 6. What’s next
34:45 – 7. Adult movie copywriter wanted
39:34 – 8. Just apologize already
41:31 – 9. We love the Ricky Martin
43:19 – 10. God loves concerts
44:49 – 11. The Shit YouTube Video Filter Thing
46:02 – 12. Ricky Martin, part II
48:35 – 13. Fidelitus Interuptus
49:51 – 14. Wrap

Linkage:

• Bonfire of the Vanities bomb damage.
• Eric Whitacre’s Lux Aurumque.
• Adaptation.
• Alice.
• Rhea Scott, Come wander with me.
• Indiana Jones’ perfectly accented villainess.
• More Diesel Stupid.
• Talking breasts.
• Ashley Madison banned Avatar spinoff ad thing.

Send questions, comments or requests for newsletter inclusion to advervepodcast [at] gmail [dot] com. You can also leave a review.

McDonald’s University, China edition.

Google boycotts be damned—we’re going in! Wait, what? McD’s has been there for 20 years? Oh. No worries. I‘m sure the stigma of getting your hamburger degree from a foreign country is gone. No?

Wow, that’s a loud price.

This is going to be one campaign with very loud legs.

Brush out the gray—brush in a date.

Just For Men is like some Bat Signal for YouTube badness apparently. No sooner than the dating clip went up did I see one for the Hispanic market. Brush out the gray in your life—brush in a date! But remember, it’s Just For Muchachos.

But wait, there’s more...

– Clients From Hell.
– Living el Dorito Loco.
– The Most Interesting Actor in The World.
– This is your brain. This is your brain on art. With Crispin Glover.
– I know, we’ll create memes on Chatroulette.
– The original Professor on Gilligan’s Island, John Gabriel (left).
– I will not read your fucking script.
– Silent vets no more.
– The absolute worse music video you will see. Ever?
– Lego blocumentary. (Via.)
– If possible, a darker Chatroulette: Doyouchat.com. (Via.)

Bruised and refused!

Is there a better play-by-play team on a date than Keith Hernandez and Walt Frasier? Enjoy the All-Star Sports Clichés going into overtime here! Just For Men’s gray beard dude tries to score, BUT HE CAN’T PENETRATE THE DEFENSE UNTIL JUST FOR MEN PENETRATES FIRST! Easy, I meant penetrate the lane, of course.

You better *think* extreme value!

Yeah, no, Big Lots is TOTALLY like Target. I know it’s where *I* go. Just hope Aretha got a nice payday out of it.

Werner Herzog breathes life into old bags.

I’ve covered the topic before, but Plastic Bag is probably the deepest commentary on discarded plastic and the environment you will see this year. The way director Ramin Bahrani humanizes the bag and it’s subsequent life is compelling though. Werner Herzog’s charming voiceover gives the actual bag life, and helps the piece make its points about the ways discarded plastic harms the environment. That it does so without being preachy is a fine line that most PSAs on the subject cross because they tend to resort to more shocking tactics.

(Via C-Monster.)

His mom says he’s a catch.

How else to get people who think opera is a browser to actually go to the opera in Ft. Worth, Texas—with almost no budget? Talking mouth still picture thing guy! Relish Studio did a series of spots for the Fort Worth Opera Festival featuring the traits of Mozart’s Don Giovanni, complete with flames. Flames I say. (The others being Elixir and Before.) I can now purge the sight of this.

Nothing said brand loyalty like being perched on a cliff.

Was it the ability to do countless takes while waving and fending off rattlers in 120° temperatures that made GM a great brand? I think it just might have been, yes.

Breaking news: Wonka introduces largest YouTube headline ever.

IT’S JUST PLAIN HUGE.

Tron vs. Saul Bass.

Classic + classic = retro awesome. (Via.)

The Last Podcast on Earth.

(Download the show directly here.)

Topics: Agencies of the future needing to forget the past, why it’s okay to ignore whiny customers—sometimes, why Charmin’s iRoll app for the iPod will reinvent the bathroom experience as we know it—and tell you when you’re low on toilet paper, why Circuit City will still offer the same stuff everyone else does, and why Facebook will never get ads right. Simple, yes? Very! (Except the part where Skype did its part to act like Skype.)

Also on the panel: Christian Borges, Ben Kunz and Åsk Wäppling. Follow the crew on Twitter: TheBeanCast, mtlb, Ben, Christian and Åsk.

Tags: The Beancast

Every day, 500 New Zealanders run into things.

Won’t you please help? First, wash your hands. Second, get your eyes checked. Thank you, the management of the New Zealand Food Safety Authority.

Garrett Morris is not senile.

The next shot fired in the battle of the Lite beers, Bud vs. Coors vs. Miller. The bridal registry one is cute and continues the YAGATS* 2.0 theme, but I like Garrett on the front porch. Playa! For SNL newbs, Garrett Morris was the oldest cast member of the original series.** Relegated to bit player status, he, like a few in the cast, would also have issues with drugs. When you watched him, he always seemed a little too cool for the show, and that you got the sense they didn’t know where to put him. Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi and Chevy Chase came off like the favorite sons of the show who got all the skits. Based on his work since, Morris still seems to live in that supporting role niche too.

*Yes, All Guys Are This Stupid.

**Which, was originally on ABC as Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell. Ironically, SNL’s popularity forced ABC to come back a few years later with another incarnation called Fridays. A few members of that show went on to SNL and Michael Richards would go on to bigger things as Kramer.

Undercover is the new...

Undercover Boss being my new favorite reality series, I have to ask one question though: Did only middle-aged white male CEOs answer the craigslist on this one, or is that only who the producers approached? (You know, for that unique cross-promotional brand integration opportunity.) Regardless, the show only works with large corporations, where not knowing who your salespeople in the field are is believable. Would I want to expose my company’s potential troubles publicly like that however? Not sure. On one hand, it’s risky and flies in the face of pretty ad campaigns saying how great a brand is. On the other, it can show people who don’t believe ad hype that you’re serious about addressing the issues they see on a daily basis, from poor customer service to inferior product quality. Scaling the concept down, a small company couldn’t do this because employees likely know the CEO. But, customers might not, so why not go out and actually pretend to be a customer yourself and listen to what *other* customers say.

Generally, I like my Tronorails... faster?

They say sarcasm is deep-seated anger. I say, yeah, could be. But, what are ya gonna do, keep that shit inside? HA! So I see Disney has decided to run its own self-promotional advertising for the new Tron Legacy remake on one of its monorails. AND THE PEOPLE ARE GOING INSANE! Well, Disney monorail purists, I suppose. As for Tronists—*raises hand*—I get that the track aspect of the monorail plays up the paths of the game, but speed is just as much a theme too. Shouldn’t those graphics be on the outside of the Acela, given the speed of everything in the film? (And Amtrak could use the money apparently.) Yeah, you know the answer, don’t you.

Unless of course, The Dude was driving me around the park.

They’re so cute at this stage.

Of the election process that is. Watching the fun in Florida’s Senate race Sunday between Gov. Charlie Crist and challenger Marco Rubio, the GOP positioning is now front and center, take no prisoners, stand up and be counted: Every race between now and 2012, if it wasn’t already, is strictly a referendum on Obama. Not taxes. Not healthcare. Not the economy. Sure, it’s easy to say any one of those are decisive enough issues worth fighting over in a campaign, but beneath those fig leaves, the real message is clear:

We never wanted Obama.

If you aren’t on board with that, look out. That Crist voted for jobs is chum in the water. Stimulus turncoat! But, they eat their own, don’t they. Check out the clock on Charlie’s site that displays how long it’s been since Rubio still hasn’t made his taxes public! SHAME! And, radio too! AN A+ RATING FROM THE NRA. Beat THAT, Marco!

Maybe I’m a sucker for watching hypocrisy in action, whichever side I find it on. Lately though, I can’t help it. The GOP is just giving me more options to choose from. Value add!

Obama jobs bill highfive aside, both he and Rubio run on the Scott Brown “We need a leader who will stand up and fight with no more politics as usual” platform. Maybe you’ve heard of it? (I’m still waiting for *unusual* politics, by the way.) I do like the GOP Senator Talking Points Playbook though: Positioning yourself as the only one who can take on the leader in Washington. And here I thought the senate was supposed to serve POTUS, if not the people outright!

Or talkshow hosts too.

Become president in your spare time—and pajamas!

Sometimes, you just feel like sleeping late. I’M NOT HERE TO JUDGE. But should that should prevent you from reaching higher office? HELLS NO. Distance learning is for everyone! Let not that degree from Yale be the only way to get to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Kohler math: Cooking + passion = BUSTED

Divided by brand message of course. Does Kohler have the best ads right now? Most Interesting Man and Old Spice notwithstanding, I saw this spot for Kohler over the weekend and LOL’ed. I DID. Then saw a bunch of their other spots, which, apparently, they have like 200 now. They have a real consistent tone for a toilet, which isn’t a knock, just saying. Notice though how a brand out of Kohler, Wisconsin (founded in 1873), has a decidedly international feel to its advertising, almost European even. (GSD&M/Austin is current agency of record.)

For a long time, nobody thought about toilets, much less faucets. Kohler products always seemed to be a little different in terms of look—and price. HGTV and the country’s rabid DIY renovation porn mindset have no doubt helped their popularity too.



They’re also the first brand I’ve seen that features someone blind without being patronizing about it. Their website is solid too. Not only does it have their ads, it’s about the only site I’ve seen lately that makes them easy to share. The needs of ad blogs aside, the rest of it has resources for anyone redoing their kitchen or bath too.* It’s not all form, it’s also function, people. JUST LIKE THE BOLD LOOK OF KOHLER. Ha! Plumbing joke.

If, Kohler were plumbing, that is.

*I feel bad about it disclaimer: I went Delta last time we redid the bathroom. I wanted Kohler, but the bold price was too much for the budget.

"You know the definition of a conservative? A liberal who got mugged."

Oh sure, Shatner is Mr. Priceline, Mr. Self-promo, Mr. Kitsch. But you people are missing an American Classic™ in T.J. Hooker. Look at that intro. It’s got action. It’s got Shatner. IT’S GOT BOTH! Why run around a car when you can roll over the hood? And, after the opening scene (approx. 2:35 in), you won’t find better dialog between two partners, short of a WWII movie. YOU JUST WON’T. Couldn’t we use a little T.J. these days? Just to teach young punks a thing or two about decency? No?

You've tried the rest...

And now, for something completely different... from across the pond. Local. International. We I cover it all here. Nothing much to say about this Crescent Road Cafe spot except, it’s a nice, little local piece. It’s from Glue in the UK, and I stumbled across it after seaching for “glue” on YouTube. (Don’t ask. Seriously.)

Is it going to win at Cannes? No. Look, it’s a simple spot that feels genuine, and tells a story about the spirit of the place beyond simply listing the hours or menu items. I like the way they did a little more with something that’s not unlike work any of us in the U.S.A. have done at some point. (The local clients who need a commercial but who end up as demanding as any Fortune 500 brand. After, you swear never again and vow to tell the next one to let the cable company come out and shoot it for $1,000—with voiceover included!)

The name search thing though does highlight the importance of tagging the hell out of your work. One other word that pinged back however was the dreaded... viral. I see their intent was to spread the word, and I get that, but commercials that are straight-forward like this won’t ever be considered viral the way brands expect them to be: “I WANT 1,000,000 VIEWS IN TWO DAYS!”*

The story aspect though—or lack thereof—is important to any ad, yet it’s almost always missing from the bad ones, local or not. You only have to look at Rhett & Link to see how they wring every last bit of story out of spots for their clients. For the rest of them however?

Cue this scenario:

The local pizza place with close-ups of happy kids and their moms crammed into one booth wolfing down a pie—or three—and everything the restaurant makes sprawled out on a nearby table. Checkered tablecloth. Logo. Phone number. Fade to black.

Oh, by the way, did I mention we have plenty of FREE parking?

*Good luck with that unless your clip contains cute babes, babies or pets—and one of them is doing something stupid.

I’m just wondering why Dr Pepper is all over the place.

All brands run sweepstakes at some point but Cheesus, it seems like that’s all Dr Pepper does. Dre was a nice touch, I thought, but then, Flash Mobitus took over and reminded people how low they can go. Not that they need one per se, but it’s been a long time since they had anything remotely positive to hang the brand hat on, namely, the Be A Pepper song from the jingle era.

Sappy, yes—but you knew that song.

Now, all you see pretty much are attempts to try and keep up with Coke or Pepsi by, well, not sure exactly. Pepsi can be just as *promotional* at times but at least they’ve got a mostly consistent brand voice. Coke? Definitely has it together.

When I read some of the YouTube comments about the promotional video above, I wonder what direction the brand is headed in:

“gay...”

“Poor Shibby, got nothin to do on spring break :(”

“who the fuck would do this”

“You can go play those games, the rest of us don’t give a shit”

“Yea lets all play halo during spring break!...not”

It’s a unique brand because the product has a unique taste. What demo for what brand doesn’t play video games, or watch ESPN, or is 18-101, blah, blah freakin’ blah. Yet, this is the same demo you see in creative briefs that ends up dictating the creative direction.

Yes, most products in a category taste more or less the same, but Dr Pepper jumps out at you in terms of taste, yet I see none of that uniqueness in its messaging. Mt. Dew, equally as distinct (and I brand I live on), doesn’t seem to have the same identity problem.

To that end, what Dr Pepper also has is rabid fans, least from what I can tell. Some people prefer its special cousin Mr. Pibbs (now called Pibb Extra) or one of the 40+ Dr P knock-offs, but I know a few people who love Dr P like it’s their kid.

One in particular keeps a supply in his office chilled to 38°. Not 37. Not 39. (Basically, cold enough to make your teeth ache.)

He’s also been known to complain to store owners who either don’t stock it or, if they do, carry it in coolers that are less than optimal as far as proper temperature goes. (Granted, most convenience stores in general go through this because cooler doors are constantly opened, and *most* store owners save electricity by not keeping things set cooler.)

Still, I respect the fanaticism. Here’s a voicemail he got after calling Walgreens to complain about warm Dr Pepper:



The point?

When your brand is badass enough to roll sans punctuation and you have fans rabid enough to check how cold your product should be, you should be doing more than running sweepstakes every week. When a backyard comedy stunt vid gets 10 times the views in the same 4-day period, something’s wrong—especially when you’re giving away money or prizes, and nobody seems to be biting.

Instead, why not focus more on carving out a distinct niche with a wider audience while still tapping into the dedication and loyalty of your most diehard fans.

Overheard Internet.

Because internet comments are cool, honest and sad. In an unedited B-roll, straight to your monitor kinda way...


“Interesting to note: The U.S. government used the national census to round up all the Japanese and put them into concentration camps until the end of the war.”
– Prince of persia


“So pompous, pretentious, opinionated dwarfs are not good investors. Good to know.”
– CrayonSmoothie


“Maybe they should man up and stop using palm oil?”
– Bjorn


“They have also acquired an eye-roll for which I expect to be acknowledged as "a generous donor". I appreciated their insights into the use of the symbol, but the self-aware cleverness, less so.”
– an0nymous


“Motion sickness followed by yogurt, seems very logical.”
– Todd


“I just like the idea of somebody drinking scotch and blogging from a lair.”
– Anonymous


“Once I saw an earlier version of FDR's speech after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. ‘A day which will live throughout history.’ Sometimes it’s all in the edit.”
– Mike “Og” Ogden

AdVerve 24 - The Lost Edition

Aka, the make-up replacement edition, not the *show* Lost. SUCKA!

We cover it all: Monkey AIDS conspiracy theories. Warren Buffet’s dance of love. Bob Garfield’s comments of... whatever they are. Angela then breaks down the difference between American and French dogs. Both it seems, need a certain degree of therapy.

We also recap Parisian tech conference techness and why your privacy is an illusion—and why people still don’t care. Five Minutes With... features Aaron Strout, CMO of Powered. (On Twitter too.) We also mange to get the show in under an hour, based on our crowdsourced fan poll. We can’t promise this will be a regular thing, though.

Play the show now. (Or right-click to download directly.)

Subscribe via iTunes:

Topics:

00:00 – 1. French dogs
03:23 – 2. Lostcast
04:47 – 3. Annie Vuitton
07:08 – 4. Tech, crunched
10:49 – 5. Fun with AIDS conspiracies
14:53 – 6. All the Wiki that’s fit to print
18:29 – 7. Bowie vs. Gervais
20:11 – 8. Chatroulette Piano Guy
22:36 – 9. Welcome to Google World™
24:15 – 10. The *other* B.G.
30:38 – 11. Evil Nestlé and animal testing
42:13 – 12. Ben Stiller’s new shitty movie
43:34 – 13. Five Minutes With... Aaron Strout
48:35 – 13. Privacy? HA!

Linkage:

• Bowie vs. Gervais.
• AIDS conspiracy.
• Annie Vuitton.
• Chatroulette Piano Guy & Ben Folds
• The *other* B.G.
• Evil Nestlé.
• The Timeless Way of Building.
  
• GEICO Warren Buffett.
• Ben Stiller’s new shitty movie.

Send questions, comments or requests for newsletter inclusion to advervepodcast [at] gmail [dot] com. You can also leave a review.

Look, all we are saying is, give Tea Bags a chance.

Feel The love. Did I vote come at a bad time? Geez, we got it all: Ozombie Nation imploring you to Click Here To Fight The Zombies (and the best call to action I’ve seen in some time). But I think the movement doth protest too much because I’m seeing an inconsistency in the messaging with the Tea Party crowd. No, it’s cool, I do this for a living, trust me. First, you need a Tea Bag logo—don’t be like the faceless, nationless terrorists in hiding—be proud! Then you need Tea Bag Party guidelines for the use of the logo as well as layout. See how easy this is?

So, you have fleece-wearing Minutemen trying to prevent us from being fleeced! No more taxes? No to any taxes? No Big Government in general? No Government Healthcare? No to Nobama? All of those? People, settle down and focus. Code Red helps no one! We’ve got real problems: Pelosi’s pink slip is showing. Who will save us? Sam’s busy cashing government checks, so that just leaves one man: J.D. Haworth — The candidate with a fucking star in his name. He’ll lead us out of this quagmire with a fierce stare and fiercer dedication. He’s not just running for office—he’s running for America, mister!*

Rest easy Tea Bag Nation, rest easy.





*That’s three quality campaign taglines in a row. Where else can you find THAT?

Fun with Photoshop.*

Giant teeth, chiseled Dolph Lundgren features, and recently manscaped unibrow. The HELL’S going on over there at Crest?

*Admittedly, a phone it in post.

Contextual Cheatness.

Jesse and Tiger doubling up in this one. Twofer!

AdVerve poll time.

Hey, we’re all about the crowdsource, aren’t we? While you wait for another fantabulous episode this week, riddle us this Twilight Batfolk: What length do you prefer the show? 10, 30, 60 mins. or more?

Faces behind the brands.

There was one Harley and three Davidsons. Erno’s cube wasn’t that sexy so they went with his last name instead, Rubik. (Pictured.) These and other factoids can be found on Life.com as they take a look at some of the faces behind well-known brands.

I am Dodge, and I Am Sam.

Did I tell you or what. Dodge Ram? Let’s just rename it the Dodge SAM, Heavy Duty Truck, right now, in honor of Sam fucking Elliott. American payloads, friend. This Lord Diesel truck spot features 650 lbs of low-end torque. AMERICAN torque. To haul beef. For dinner. Lots of beef. And Sam will drive it to your door. Your AMERICAN door. Or maybe you need a Workhorse hemi, hence forth known as a Sami. Perhaps you want a Truck of the Sam? Need more info? Then check out Samtrucks.com. For I Am Sam, Sam I am.

Cheetos Random acts of neck rubbage.

Look at Chester making movies at 30,000 feet! Remember: Stunt nose on controlled set. Do not attempt at home.

Because you can’t get pregnant when you chew Dentyne Ice.

According to the official Dentyne YouTube description: “How do you prepare yourself when you know you’re going to get close with someone else?” Looks like someone’s brief is showing. Or theirs will be soon, apparently. And wouldn’t he be buying a few other things in the store to disguise the Dentyne purchase? Sure, yep, I di... he would. So practice safe breath, and don’t worry about trivializing safe sex, unwanted pregnancies or AIDS prevention. Thanks Dentyne!

Look Who’s Preparing?

Liberty Tax babies, that’s who. I kid! No, they kid! Reprising their playground roles, Baby Chuckie and friend discuss the merits of Liberty Tax Service and those friendly Statue of Liberty actors you see on the streets. Thanks, E*TRADE, they couldn’t have done it without ya!

"Maybe he fell asleep by the side of the road."

The longer format allows you to get to know your bail bonds attorney a little more, and I’m okay with that.

Look, a house with a wide-eyed deranged guy—let's go in!

I’m sure no harm will come to them in the Wrightnow household, because Netflix has their back. With lots of horror movies about people who went. in. the. house.

Just in time for winter, another way to waste 10 minutes from Suzuki.

Just in time for Spring. It’s the Suzuki Kizashi people, and it kills snowmen. EVIL snowmen. But it will never drive off the road, because it really is that drive off the road proof. Click now to slay, er, play!

I just feel like Miki should be wrapped in rope, or something.

Mikhail Baryshnikov, or Miki—we’re tight like that— and Annie Liebovitz are in a current print campaign for Louis Vatton. The tagline is “The journey of a star, captured in a flash.” Or, given her recent money problems, the *fall* may be more apt. Speaking of, while she needs the cash, and they need to move product, the piece just falls short of anything she’s shot in the past. IT REEKS OF EGO AND SUBTLE HERITAGE. Of course, given the LV brand, maybe her pose, fits.

Update: Comcast’s usage meter net neutrality power trip.

Updates here? Few and far between, having done *maybe* 10 in the five years writing MTLB. After I ran the post on Comcast’s Usage Meter, I received two comments where I thought an update was warranted.

The first was from someone apparently working for Comcast, who questioned why specifically this wasn’t neutral. I always love when someone misses the larger implications and hones in on one point taken out of context. To answer the question though, net neutrality encompasses a lot of things related to user experience online, not just issues of bandwidth and types of content carried, but access to that bandwidth.

If the connection I pay for is lousy while someone else’s isn’t? How can that imbalance be considered acceptable by anyone?

But it glosses over the creepier implication of privacy and control as viewed by corporations and brands. Those types of policies don’t all of a sudden happen, rather, they occur incrementally over time, and from the brand’s point of view, hopefully under the radar of most people. Which leads to the second response I got from the friend who sent the original piece in.

He’d called Comcast for further details, and their response (along with his take on things), are worth considering given the context above.

[Emphasis mine on one of those incremental Big Brother *steps*]

_____________________________________________________

I spoke to COMCAST about this yesterday. They say that if any user exceeds their alloted 250GB of download volume in a given month, their service would be suspended for the rest of the month. They could not tell me if all internet service would stop (though they thought not) or just downloads. Sounds fair at first blush, but then I got to thinking, “hey, that means that they can tell the difference between normal internet packets, and downloads.” Really?!? The big brother factor just jumped up by an order of magnitude.

Next will they figure out how to detect telltale signs of packets containing porn, or libel or anti-COMCAST content?

I get that this is probably aimed at illegal file sharing, but it occurred to me that Comcast is faced with a real challenge to their cable business model: High quality streaming video content. Hulu and Netflix instant Queue both deliver content that, in terms of convenience, is better than Comcast’s On-Demand, because it is easier to find (read as better GUI in the single database) and in Netflix’s case, delivers HD to my TV via Xbox 360 Live. I don’t know whether Comcast can differentiate between large and continuous amounts of data used in streaming and downloading, but I would bet that it is not in their interest to do so, even if they can.

Am I just being paranoid?
_____________________________________________________

I agree that illegal filesharing hurts businesses and the respective copyright owners; an issue which is one of the provisions covered in the neutrality debate. But, people are blocked or dropped from social networks like Flickr or YouTube now over material they already own due to misinterpretations by a Borg mindset that runs those communities.

It’s not impossible to posit then that an arbitrary judging panel in some cable company somewhere is holed up in a room all day saying what is and isn’t legal. As for whether they can eventually control access based on what they determine is appropriate being paranoid?

I’m not sure I wouldn’t be either.

Well, they are waterproof, no?

Guy sure does seem to like his toilet water. But the Merrels hanging over the wires at the end? Does that mean he died because they really couldn’t breath? Crazy! And at around $90, I’m not throwing them up there.

Choirsourcing.

Just when I lost faith in finding something beautiful on YouTube. The choir was lead by conductor Eric Whitacre and each gave their vocal interpretation of his piece Lux Aurumque. It’s a poem by Edward Esch translated into Latin, then broken down into various choral parts. (It follows his previous work like ‘Sleep’, which seems less involved than this piece.) At first, I thought it had to be remixed digitally to the point of faking some of the parts, but one soloist who entered says it wasn’t, and Whitacre himself breaks down the process used when he first created the project. (At times, you can hear the slight overlaps of voices as they start to sing, creating this odd effect. At the risk of killing the vibe, the virtual representation of the people in that generic simulated background ruins it a little for me. The slow pan later on settles things down somewhat, making that a minor detail. (Listen though without watching and see if it isn’t a better experience.) Still, compelling no matter if you listen or watch. (Also, if you’re as good as the people in the clips, you can audition to be in his next work.)

TV was just better then.

Why do you doubt the greatness of YouTube? Why I ask. You say to yourself, this couldn’t be real. Oh, friend, it couldn’t be *more* real. Was May quite possibly the inspiration for Tex & Edna Boil? Oh, likely!

TV continues to give Twitter the finger.

Didn’t know what else to call this post other than that because while the spot actually makes a few relevant points, it makes a dumb one that undermines the cause. Yeah, I get it: AT&T’s Motorola *Backflip* is reinforced by people *flipping* on decisions made in their status updates. (It’s such an easy connection to go after, but, whatever.) Going a little further in though, the overall vibe seems to be yet another major brand taking a shot at social networks. First, it indirectly *pokes* mainstream media for increasingly relying on social media as a source for stories. Secondly, it condescendingly points out some of the more admittedly banal aspects of social networks. Both points, well, true more often than not. Where it undermines however is that it then features all the networks on the device that it just got done making fun of you for... being on.

The Last Advertising Agency On Earth. Yeah, pretty accurate, actually.

Or is it. That it’s created by a large shop (Saatchi Canada) is doubly ironic. Created for the FITC Digital Conference, it’s moody blueotone vibe with dramatic score highlights the predicament too many shops find themselves in when it comes to focusing on the same old same old. But then... (there’s always a *then* with me, ya hear?) I’ve been in places just as empty just as quickly due to budget consolidation or regime change, not because of how well the shop did or didn’t adapt to digital. So, accurate? Yeah, mostly.

Comcast says so much for net neutrality.

Friend sent this email in about a change in Comcast service monitoring. Basically, the Usage Meter checks... online usage by an individual. Harmless, I guess. On one hand, you can argue rightfully that bandwidth hogs should not get to pay the same amount as the grandmother who checks her email once every two days. But, I don’t know. A free and open net means free in terms of volume too, no? Maybe that SBC campaign was more right than I know! Nah. How much I pay for something won’t fix the poor bandwith in certain areas. Of course the cynic in me says this is the gateway to eventually controlling when and how much you can access signal, eventually leading to having to book appointments for going online. If, you know, I were a cynic.

Because Communism is good for local tourism.

It just is! It’s not just us, China has reenactors too! Did you know that? Cue triumphant horns and drums! Although, they probably don’t have nearly as many retail outlets for authentic Communist gear, I’m guessing.

Is thatJohnny Depp on lead guitar?

I think it just may be. On another fundraising note, this one may have flown under the radar, but not here people, not here. Shane MacGowan & Friends, which includes Nick Cave, Bobby Gillespie, Glen Matlock, Johnny Depp, Chrissie Hynde, Paloma Faith and Eliza Doolittle, remake the Screamin’ Jay Hawkins classic I Put Spell On You. It’s a response to the recent earthquake in Haiti with all proceeds from the song (available on iTunes), going directly to Concern, an established charity which has worked with poor countries in general prior to the earthquake. Sure Depp plays few riffs, but he’s got a tipparella, more money than you and me and makes movies. You get to watch him do all that while your boss yells at you for being late with the pitch deck. After the suckiness of that sinks in, stop your whining and donate. Facebook? Yes, have some.

Contextual Madness.

*May* just be the saddest one yet.

George Takei is sharp... OH MY.

The best part? “Actor portrayal.” Really? FOR REAL? He ain’t no actor.. HE’S SULU. Oh, and now we have to get used to a new standard: RGBY? The HELL?

Very disappointed with the new American Apparel catalog.

No, not the paper stock they used, but I expected the LOOKBOOK.nu edition to be displayed between the legs of a model, not her hands.

I Design Your Logo. No, I mean, I will design it.

At first, you’re like, crowdsourced logos? No, it ain’t that. Can you make money offering to design a logo for a company in one day—for $2? Well, if he gets the full year booked, Dana at I Design Your Logo says he will make over $133,000+ in total accumulated fees plus whatever additional services clients add on to their projects. Averaged out, that’s $350 per, not bad for a company to pay and definitely more than what typical designers get for doing logos in most design firms. It’s a spin on the I Wear Your Shirt guy. (They’re friends.) He’s sold out through April and says he’s on track to fill the year. BOOK YOURS NOW.*

*Cue spin-offs like I Take Your Angry Client Call.

And the Old Spice hits keep coming.

Realizing that yes, they have new products to push, the Old Spice work is so good that they still need to give I’m On a Horse guy time to breathe, maybe another month or so. It’s like fine wine people. FINE WINE.

On Southwest, *old* bags fly free?

While I may be in the minority, I actually love this Southwest spot. It’s got moxie, mister! Problem is, when you look at some of the other policies they have in place and the Kevin Smith snafu, it’s kinda tainted for me. Look, agencies generally try to solve problems for clients. The most they can do is make recommendations about a brand’s core product or how it should change its customer service policies if that’s what needed.

They also know there’s only so much an ad campaign can do, especially if other things need fixing first. If the brand ignores the advice? All the agency can do at that point is come up with advertising that gets attention, because they sure aren’t gonna leave all that money on the table. (Shhhh, you know it’s true.) Realizing this crosses into ethical considerations, this raises the question:

At what point do you question the policy of the brand you work on if the only thing they afford you is a chance to do interesting advertising?

Admittedly, it’s easier to make that distinction on brands where a certain moral flexibility is required (like tobacco or political advertising), but when an otherwise decent brand has issues, what to do, what to do...

So, that heady stuff and Kevin Smith’s problems aside (and our take on it), I loved the pseudo-Braveheart underdog vibe of this spot as well as the way it incorporates actors with *everyday* company workers, something their spots hadn’t done much of to this point. (I’m guessing that was a little less cordial than she was used to.)

Does YouTube Nation feel the same way? The hell they do!

“This is the most annoying, obnoxious commercial on the air. The real irony is that most of the tarmac workers portrayed would have to buy two seats under Southwest's "fat asses pay double" rule.”
– NyBob85

“‘BAGS’ FLY FREE and an ‘OLD LADY’ on an airplane. Has Southwest mistakenly humored or maybe insulted demographics of its target market with DOUBLE ENTENDRE?” – Mattcendro26

“commercial is fuckin annoying” – arniesalmon

“Southwest should pull this out. Faking an off color humor is kinda out of taste and cheap.” – totustuos

No Sears, Thank... YOU.

Well, it’s been a while since I fragged Sears, so here goes. When we last left our intrepid brand, they had set up a community site with more obstacles than a health bill trying to pass the House. HAR!

This time, I needed a battery. One, lousy car battery.

Rather than drop $124 at Meineke, I released my inner DIY’er and hit Sears online. Of course, you ain’t getting the “As low as” price for the battery you need, but I did find one that didn’t hurt too much. Google Sears + discount code and look at me saving another $5. Because I ordered online for store pick-up, I figured this would be no harder than picking up a pizza.

*sigh*

Having ordered what amounts to New Zealand’s GNP throughout the years, I can safely say that I haven’t had to jump through the ordering hoops that Sears.com made me jump through for one, lousy car battery.

I expect to fill out credit card info, no problem. But then, they require verification of who will be picking up the item. To the point that they asked a series of questions regarding recent purchases not made at Sears, and personal questions relative to family members that I never gave them info on.

As an added value, because Sears IS all about value: When you find this out and have to go back to the page to fill in a *proper* number? It had wiped out everything I typed in—all five times that I had to repeat the process. (

Holy chimps with lasers handling their IA, Batman!

It should be simply: Print out the receipt in an email, bring it to the store. Or, show a cell pic of the email. Or, present the store with the order number on paper. Or on my hand with a Sharpie™ then. Done. If I’ve already paid for it, and the person picking it up gives them one of the above, what more do they need?

It’s not like the person picking it up got verification from anyone but me. They weren’t picking up a prisoner for transfer or nuclear launch codes—it was one, lousy car battery.

(That, by the way, was the non-linear set-up to explain what happened prior to any of this however.)

So on that credit card page, they asked for a phone number. No problem because I always give the Connecticut time and temperature number, no matter where I am. (No, for real, try it now: (203) 366-4242.) The problem is they had all this *other* personal info on me that I didn’t give them permission to have. They also asked questions that required verification of an accurate home number we use for other things.

The hell they’re getting THAT.

Forget Big Brother creepy, giving them the weather disrupted the Borg, because the store now couldn’t confirm the I.D. of the family member picking it up. Yes, I realize, this is where you tell me not to be an asshole in the first place. Shoosh. It’s more me protecting what’s left of the illusion of privacy though.

Furthermore, they can’t confirm now that I will have a valid warranty in the future for this battery because the info in their system is now wrong. (No lie, that’s what they said in the store.)

Again, purchased a ton of stuff online. Amazon? 1–2–3. Done. GoDaddy? Same thing. No verification needed, and no proof required beyond what they have on file—even after several years. Pick a brand, and I have not had these hurdles.

Moral of the story? Pay Meineke the $124 next time.

We should stop using all products, then.

Ben Kunz on Thought Gadgets has his take on the recent Nestlé and their Facebook page snafu. Long story short: Their social media person nuked a ton of replies that weren’t favorable to the brand. Replies that were also furthering a Greenpeace agenda. In addition, Nestlé said they would delete any posts with avatars depicting their logo in a negative light.

Now, because there are always multiple angles to a story like this, just let me say: There are always multiple angles to a story like this.*

Why the Enron logo? That goes to corporate greed and such which I’ll get to in a minute. First, the *only* thing I might cut the brand slack on is the protection they afford their logo and brand. Having done the community manager thing for an NFL site, I know how passionate fans get about their teams.

Problem is, when the brand is the NFL, they go to extreme lengths to protect their trademark, especially when fans start using player pics on blogs and such. Any brand though, not just the NFL, needs to enforce its trademark at some point, so this is why I will give them a break here. (The NFL though, was far more lenient with avatars from my experience.)

Now, I’d have to check with legal, ahem, but I think in the context of editorial opinion, you can reuse a brand logo or image as long as it doesn’t defame or harm the company. (Save the “Nestle kills babies” bullshit—I’m talking for any brand, not what Nestlé is accused of here.)

Secondly, and digging deeper, when you read the replies from the Nestle rep, it’s a textbook example of how not to talk to anyone, let alone in the context of a social media campaign:

Nestle: Thanks for the lesson in manners. Consider yourself embraced. But it's our page, we set the rules, it was ever thus. Fri at 2:53am

Followed by:

Nestle: We welcome debate, @Hyra - from any opinion. It helps us to know what people think and feel. Fri at 4:44am

Now, I’m as sarcastic as anyone; y’all don’t have nothing on me. But when you read through the entire stream of comments by Nestle, they come off as borderline... well, I have to check with medical on this, but, in my unprofessional medical opinion, psychotic? Egomaniacal? Sociopathic? Bipolar?

All of the above?

They’ve since self-corrected and allowed all comments, which, apparently has appeased the Greenpeace Gods who can now flame away, leading to the underlying issue here. It ain’t manners, although that’s certainly a part of it.

It’s this idea that brands have to be perfect.

I’m not defending any brand that has “must fuck over the planet” in its mission statement. Far from it. But we hold brands up to such high standards now when it comes to any behavior, almost forgetting they’re run by people. And people sometimes, well, suck. Most don’t, some do. If they don’t suck, you can chalk it up to ignorance when something like this happens.

Look deep enough into any brand’s history though—or their present—and you’ll find something they’re doing or using that someone somewhere disapproves of. Animal testing. Doing business with countries that support terrorism or human rights abuses.

Pick a brand and pick your evil. Enron? That one’s easy.

In a global economy though, how do you keep any brand from becoming evil when they start doing business in countries where some of those things happen? In other words, to paraquote Sean Connery:

What are you prepared to do?

When Dawn says they use their soap to help clean animals affected by toxic spills, we all go yea! But then, their parent company is Proctor & Gamble, who allegedly still test on animals with some of their other brands. So, what are you prepared to do? Stop using all P&G products?

Google pulls out of China citing free speech issues while some say it was more a business move. Still, they get nice PR for them at least as we all go... what again? Yea! But then, Microsoft, Coke and a bunch of others continue to do business there. Do you stop using those products?

Doesn’t the question become not just one of where do you draw the line with corporate wrongdoing, but, just what exactly constitutes wrongdoing, especially when it comes to consumer behavior?

I’m not saying we can’t or shouldn’t try to live a sustainable life free from products which harm people, animals or the environment, I just think it’s really hard to do it without being an accidental hypocrite.

*Disclaimer, since everyone seems to need them: I’ve worked on Nestlé Quik and knew the illustrator who created the original Quik bunny. Now you know.

It’s not that I hate realtors per se.

What with their ability to to immediately echo whatever feature it is that you seem to pick out when viewing a house. No negative is ever an obstacle. Ever. Not even :30 seconds in, listen how Mike upsells highway noise. Win-win! And, when that row of trees matures in 20 years to become an overgrown mess between the houses? PRIVACY! The high monthly association fees? LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS POOL. The carpeting in the entrance that you hate? WHO’S GOING TO SPEND TIME INDOORS LOOKING AT CARPET WITH THAT GREAT VIEW FROM YOUR DECK! I mean, it’s almost as if they can read your mind as to the amenities you want. HOW DO THEY DO THAT? Scary. Before you even finish the sentence, “Oh, look at the crown mol... “IT HAS GORGEOUS CROWN MOULDING.” Perhaps you love a good walk-in closet? (Who doesn’t!) “Oh my, look at the wal... LOOK AT THIS WALK-IN CLOSET. PERFECT FOR, WALKING IN!”

I mean, who doesn’t love a sprawling ranch!