Ads are officially ‘safe’ now.

Have we come to this point? I caught the new spot for Buy.com, and I can’t go on. It’s just another CEO as pitchman, right? After all, it works for beer!

The CEO Scott Blum stands on the top of their building in an homage to Steve Wynn. (Wait a sec, is that Shatner I see on top of Priceline’s Norwalk office? Don’t jump Bill, you still have some of their stock.)

That’s not the scary part though: it’s safe, boring and the future of advertising.

God I hope not.

Apparently Buy.com also saves money on its advertising by cutting out the middle man. In this case, the creatives! Just hire out a production co. to do all the post.

This trend of speaking to the audience like a latter day Plain Speaking Harry S. Truman has gotta’ stop. I saw pictures of Harry in middle school – and Scott, you sir, are no Harry. Animatronics at Disneyworld have more life.

“But the customer appreciates honesty.” Yes. And they also appreciate a pulse.

I understand the marketing attitude around Buy.com might be to not insult an audience, and talk to today’s ‘better-educated, media-savvy consumer’ in a tone that doesn’t speak down to them. After all, they can sniff out, (oops, sorry Scott), when they are being manipulated by brands.

Maybe. But does that mean we have to have ads so generic, so Westworld-like that they are no better than a store flyer? Bud and Coors, take note. At least Jim Koch plays the camp role, even if his last round of spots with the Barminatrix and her ‘200 Kindz uhv Beir’ and her oh-so-uber cool robotic customer pissed me off.

Because the takeaway for me on all these ads is that the brands perceive their target audience as humorless, safe, lifeless robots.

Fuck that. Give me Outpost.com ads with wolves attacking marching bands and small mammals firing out of cannons.