“PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON!” I AM JACK BAUER AND I MEAN DEATH. I AM HERE TO SAVE THE DAY FOR YET ANOTHER SEASON OF 24. I HAVE TWO VOICE LEVELS: WHISPERING AND SHOUTING. RIGHT NOW, I’M NOT IN A WHISPERING MOOD. I HAVE ALSO ADDED THE ABILITY TO KILL BY BITING YOUR JUGULAR TO MY EXISTING REPERTOIRE OF NON-SMILING DEATH. (BAUER IS ACTUALLY GERMAN FOR “JACK BAUER MEANS DEATH.” (YOU KNEW THAT THOUGH, DON’T LIE OR I WILL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU WITH A PEN.) SPEAKING OF SMILING, I DON’T. EVER. NOT WHEN I YELL “TURN AROUND!” AND NOT EVEN WHEN I KILL, WHICH, YOU THINK I WOULD, RIGHT? BUT I’M OLD-SCHOOL LIKE THAT IN A JOHN WAYNE SORTA WAY. I KILL, BUT I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTER, EVEN THOUGH I’M GOOD AT IT. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I’M TORN. ANYWAY, FORGET THAT TOUCHY-FEELY STUFF, JUST “TURN AROUND, THEN PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON!” SORRY, THAT’S A HABIT I’M WORKING ON. WAIT, “PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON, THEN TURN AROUND!” YEAH. THAT’S IT. OK, WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH. “PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON AND TURN AROUND!” PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY, ALL COMMENTS MUST RESPECT THE JACK BAUER 24 CODE OF ALL CAPS SHOUTING, AS IN “PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON!”Tags: JACK BAUER, 24, PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON, JACK BAUER MEANS DEATH, KIEFER SUTHERLAND GRAVITAS
8 comments:
A suggested 24 drinking game:
Whenever Herr Bauer whispers into his cellphone in a smoky growl, "Mr. President, there's no time," or any derivation thereof, do a shot.
Wait - sorry:
A SUGGESTED 24 DRINKING GAME:
WHENEVER HERR BAUER WHISPERS INTO HIS CELLPHONE IN A SMOKY GROWL, "MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S NO TIME," OR ANY DERIVATION THEREOF, DO A SHOT.
You gotta love a character who literally goes for the jugular. I mean biting a man to death? Come on that's great TV
EVERYBODY GET DOWN!
“I don’t know how to do this anymore.”
That piece of neck stuck between your molars says otherwise.
Since when does Jack Bauer listen to 25 year old black presidents with goatees? And will somebody shoot that frowny girl in the command center already? Arrrrgh!
Worse than frowny girl: smarmy presidential assistant. I look at him and think: who needs a smack?
Drop the coffee!
But first, turn around, then drop it.
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