7 Future Things.

Yeah, you know. One of those lists again. Jetpacks has included me in this amazing fun spreading all across the internet land. I’ll take one for the team and play along, but also take another one by stopping the bloodline with me.

Seven future things:

1) I successfully resurrect the drive-in movie industry by adding in Chinese take-out. Intermissions are insane.

2) Burger King invests heavily in my side project. A year later, The Whopperpult™ debuts at the 11th annual Burger Man Food Festival. After though, a subsequent guerilla stunt involving thousands of hamburgers and the corporate offices of PETA goes horribly wrong. The case against me is dismissed though when the judge turns out to also be a meativore.

3) Print officially dies when I use the last piece of paper.

4) My super fan petition finally passes, forcing Super Bowls to be played outside in cold weather stadiums. The NFL agrees, but as an f*** you to fans, converts all seats to fully-enclosed corporate boxes.

5) 50 Kinds of White T-Shirts becomes HUGE—until I get sued by the 50 Kinds of Black T-Shirts guy.

6) I end up having to move after winning a local Traffic Cop For A Day contest.

7) Sitting in the endzone seats of eBay Field, I finally get to see the Los Angeles Bills win a Super Bowl.
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