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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

We’re at threat level Jules, m’fers!

Now comes word that the U.S. may be standing down from its use of colors to notify the nation of our security status... in times like these. I do love naming conventions, like Apple’s OS (Jungle Book or German tank), or agency conference room names, so why not use a pop culture fav? In this case, Pulp Fiction. (Reservoir Dogs, while a natural extension with its brilliant use of color as surname, still relies on color.)

Currently, the system ranks threats on a 1-5 scale of severe, high, elevated, guarded and low. A Pulp Fiction* reimagineering would see this change to...

Low: Buddy Holly the waiter. No real threat there.
Guarded: Butch. Increased vigilance.
Elevated: Mia Wallace. There’s danger there, lurking, under the surface.
High: I want to put Honey Bunny here, but Jules is the chill you want at this level.
Severe: The Wolf. You know when he shows up things are truly fucked.

Feel safer, America! Jules is on it!

*Sorry, tried to work Marsellus and The Gimp™ in there somewhere.


M.M. McDermott said...

"Does this threat level look like a bitch to you, Brad?"

mtlb said...

Say. Orange. Again.