Why I should drink.

It wouldn’t be a stint filling in for AdRants without at least one post here on the kinds of PR releases I got while there, and continue to get here. My favorite one though which I didn’t blog lead off in typical all caps scream mode: ELTON JOHN MAKES GUEST APPEARANCE ON NEW ALICE IN CHAINS ALBUM. Wtf meter, peaked.

But the one below is just so typical of bad PR. For all the talk that the industry is supposedly doing better and that they need to lead the conversation in social media... HA.

Realizing too that by posting this I’m just giving in and letting the terrorists win by publishing their agenda, I do it for education purposes. So that it may never happen again.

My autopsy follows after. As is, word for word, ® for ®. Enjoy:

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Somebody claiming to be Jane Doe* wrote:

CRUZAN® RUM CELEBRATES ITS CARIBBEAN HERITAGE THROUGH NEW ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN

Legendary Rum of St. Croix Evokes Island Spirit and Brings the Taste of the Caribbean to Consumers

Deerfield, Ill. August 12, 2009 Beam Global Spirits & Wine, Inc. [Fortune Brands, Inc. (NYSE: FO)], the leading American spirits company and Cruzan® Rum, the fastest-growing rum brand among the top five brands in the U.S., today announced a new advertising campaign that showcases the U.S. Virgin Island of St. Croix, its people and the legendary rum that has been made there since the 18th century. The Legendary Rum of St. Croix campaign reflects the liveliness and vibrancy of the Caribbean and reminds legal purchase age consumers that Cruzan is a handcrafted, premium, quality rum that has been made there for generations.

Aimed at legal purchase age consumers who are always up for new adventures, the Legendary Rum of St. Croix will be brought to life in out-of home media buys with a focus on the key markets of Florida, Texas, New York, New Jersey, Seattle and Southern California.

In an era when most spirits have a gimmick, hook or fancy tagline, Cruzan Rum has been bringing something far more authentic to the rum category since 1760, said Anne Cyron, senior director, cordials and rums, Beam Global Spirits & Wine, Inc. Our new campaign focuses on the target Cruzan legal purchase age consumer who is looking for a refined and sophisticated rum that captivates.

Currently operated by Gary Nelthropp, master distiller and president, Cruzan was created by, and for, the people of St. Croix. The Nelthropp family has been making Cruzan for the past three generations and has been involved in the sugar and rum industries since the 18th century. The Legendary Rum of St. Croix brings to life the spirit of the island and Cruzan - friendly, leisurely and unpretentious. Shot by renowned photographer Nadav Kander, the ad images have no actors or sets. St. Croix locals, Crucians, are featured in their everyday lives on the island.

Beam Global prides itself on developing bold, innovative, creative and unique campaigns that engage our consumers in meaningful ways, Cyron continued. We have been committed to investing in Cruzan by increasing growth and consumer awareness.

The Legendary Rum of St. Croix campaign will officially kick off during a Dave Matthews Band concert at the Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach, Florida on August 14. Attendees will be able to view campaign signage, purchase Legendary Cruzan cocktails and play the Bimini Ring Game, a traditional Caribbean pastime, throughout the amphitheatre. A steel drum band will also be on hand prior to the concert to add to the island-ambience.

The Cruzan portfolio consists of Cruzan® Aged Light Rum, Cruzan® Aged Dark Rum, Cruzan® Single Barrel Estate Rum, Cruzan® Black Strap Rum, Cruzan® 151˚ Rum and 10 flavored rums infused with extracts, such as vanilla, coconut, guava and black cherry. The brand sold approximately 720,000 cases of premium rum worldwide in 2008. Cruzan is sold in the U.S., the Caribbean, Canada, Spain and the Nordic countries. In the U.S., Cruzan is available in 50 ml, 200 ml, 375 ml, 750 ml, 1L and 1.75L bottles.

Fallon Worldwide designed all advertising, point-of-sale and sales tools for the Legendary Rum of St. Croix. Chicago-based Starcom coordinated all out-of-home media buys. All on-premise event executions and experiences will be led by Relay. SHIFT Communications in Boston leads consumer media and influencer outreach while Qorvis Communications in Washington, D.C. drives all business and trade communications.

About Beam Global Spirits & Wine:

Inspiring conversations around the world, Beam Global Spirits & Wine, Inc. is building brands people want to talk about. Consumers from all corners of the globe call for our brands, including Jim Beam® Bourbon, Sauza® Tequila, Canadian Club® Whisky, Courvoisier® Cognac, Maker's Mark® Bourbon, Laphroaig® Scotch Whisky, Cruzan® Rum, EFFEN® Vodka, Larios® Gin, Whisky DYC®, Teacher's® Scotch Whisky, DeKuyper® Cordials and Liqueurs and Knob Creek® Bourbon. Beam Global Spirits & Wine is part of Fortune Brands, Inc. (NYSE: FO), a leading consumer brands company recently named one of the Worlds Most Admired Companies by Fortune magazine. For more information on Beam Global Spirits & Wine, its brands, and its commitment to social responsibility, visit www.beamglobal.com and www.drinksmart.com.

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Had enough yet? Good. Okay, first off, remember that this is going to AdRants, one of most popular ad blogs around. Forget the typos, lack of quotation marks around, um, quoted material.

THERE ARE NO LINKS TO THE CREATIVE WORK THIS NOVEL TALKS ABOUT.

Can’t tell you how many 100-paragraph pitches I got where the person was trying to craft a story about the story for me. Plus, how many of them that ended with, “If you need more details or a link to....”

More?

I think you’re good. How about a link or two to the work instead, k? As for a “story,” again, like most every other ad blogger, I’ll find my own way in, thanks.

(The next most annoying thing PR does is include the actual commercials in an email, which you then have to upload somewhere, then link to them.)

But major brands like these with a major shop like Fallon handling the work, and no link to anything? Who looks worse here.

So here’s what many of us do when we see something like this. Okay, maybe I’m the only one dumb enough to do it.

If I’m in a good mood, I’ll do their job for them. So I go to any link that’s provided, in this case the main site, then track down the campaign there, or at least make an effort to see if it’s there so I can grab images and the like.

But when clicking on the product logo once there results in a DAMN 404 NOT FOUND PAGE, as it does here, then I’m done.

And as such, an AdRants or whoever else is on the million-email mailing list would be done too, because there’s no way we would run this. Yet, the PR shop will bill either Fallon or Beam for services rendered, and the account person will check off their list of blogs that got sent to.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


*Not the real name.