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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Jesse Ventura vs. Steven Seagal Reality series throwdown!

Steven Seagal, Lawman. Or Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.


Jesse’s been away for a few years, claiming another conspiracy when MSNBC supposedly paid him to not go on any other show to discuss the Iraq war. Fresh from that contract where he lived large on their dime, his new series has him standing there and intimidating the shit out of people.

Even though this show is just an update on Leonard Nimoy’s In Search Of, albeit with manmade secrets over the Loch Ness monster. They start out around a conference room table like TMZ, with staffers throwing out conspiracies for Jesse to investigate: "I got a secret mind-control weather weapon in Alaska”

Well, shit, book my tickets now—we’re going.

So off he goes to seek out the HAARP* system that will move clouds and shoot down jets. Even Navy SEALs with film crews can’t get past two fences though:

Jury’s out on Jesse, but next week he tackles 9-11. A hoot! I have to say, while Ventura is intimidating, Seagal wins on points for his Jedi mind trick ability of spotting someone drinking in a parked car while speaking in Shaq-like ELF tones. And he also knows his shit** when it comes to donuts and that reverse-gun disarm flip move. The way he helps drivers navigate during a pursuit? You can’t coach that.

And they said nothing would replace Gary Busey’s series.

*It’s badass. I saw the X-Files once with this in it.
**Master in Aikido and Kendo; black belts in Karate and Judo.

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