It’s not that I hate realtors per se.

What with their ability to to immediately echo whatever feature it is that you seem to pick out when viewing a house. No negative is ever an obstacle. Ever. Not even :30 seconds in, listen how Mike upsells highway noise. Win-win! And, when that row of trees matures in 20 years to become an overgrown mess between the houses? PRIVACY! The high monthly association fees? LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS POOL. The carpeting in the entrance that you hate? WHO’S GOING TO SPEND TIME INDOORS LOOKING AT CARPET WITH THAT GREAT VIEW FROM YOUR DECK! I mean, it’s almost as if they can read your mind as to the amenities you want. HOW DO THEY DO THAT? Scary. Before you even finish the sentence, “Oh, look at the crown mol... “IT HAS GORGEOUS CROWN MOULDING.” Perhaps you love a good walk-in closet? (Who doesn’t!) “Oh my, look at the wal... LOOK AT THIS WALK-IN CLOSET. PERFECT FOR, WALKING IN!”

I mean, who doesn’t love a sprawling ranch!