IT’S TIME FOR REAL MEN TO TAKE BACK MOVIES BACK.*

YOU PATHETIC NOOB TUBERS WON’T SEE THIS ONLINE IN ONE OF YOUR TORRENTS. NOT WHEN YOU HAVE THE EXPENDABLES AND BULLETS. LOTS OF BULLETS. STALLONE & CO. GO ALL IN TO PUT GUYS AND VIOLENCE TOGETHER WHERE THEY BELONG: THE MOVIE THEATRE. CHICK FLICK? DATE NIGHT? TELL YOUR STORY WALKING BITCH BECAUSE KLEENEX WON’T BE SPONSORING THIS ONE. THEATRES AREN’T JUST FOR JULIA ROBERTS FILMS EITHER, THEY’RE FOR GUYS AND THEIR MOVIES. THAT’S RIGHT: GUYS SEE MOVIES, UN-GUYS SEE *FILMS*. YOU WILL SEE THIS MOVIE—YOU WILL NOT SEE HERS. I SUPPOSE YOU NEED THE SONG. HERE IT IS BUT DON’T INTERRUPT AGAIN: ANDREW W.K.’S I GET WET.

(VIA.)

*APOLOGIES FOR ALL-CAPS/MORSE CODE JACK BAUER THROWBACK MODE. BUT IT JUST FELT RIGHT. (NOT, LIKE *TOUCHY FEELY* BUT LIKE HOW JACK’S FINGERS WRAP AROUND AN HK.) WAIT, GUYS DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING. SUCK IT.