"Hello, my ex just got scared off by the alarm he knew I had."

“We’re sending someone right over ma’am.” Another fear-mongering gem from Brinks, er, Broadview Security. Picking up where mother & daughter left off, waiting for help in their panic roomless house, we find another ree-dick-yule-us scenario where said intruder is immediately scared off upon hearing what suburbanites hear hourly in Disturbia. (Especially effective after a house party and workout session.) Credit though to Broadview for losing the black hoodie attire here, at least! This one though just hit me the wrong way, especially after hearing this week about another useless protective order.* If someone wants in to do harm? They’re in. No false sense of security will stop them, nor will standing four feet away from them on the phone with Rick while he sends Paul Blart to the rescue.**

*Martha Stewart bracelets for anyone with an order of protection. If Applebee’s can page me with a giant vibrating coaster when my table’s ready, doesn’t a woman afraid for her safety deserve the same advanced warning when an ex- is close?

**Don’t most people grab their cell now?