How hard is it to hit Reply?

Oh I’m sure some people will be mad at me for saying that. And I’m not talking about friends not responding. In fact, it’s those relationships that allow each of us the latitude to take our time emailing each other back. Because we both know, eventually we will respond to each other when we come up for air. A day, two days, maybe three.

No, I’m talking about cold calls and other business related email that goes unanswered - forever. Tom Hanks in Castaway had a better chance at getting a response from Wilson than I get from contacts I email.

Maybe it’s me.

As Chris Farley pondered in Tommy Boy: “Maybe – I – suck.” Anything’s possible. Now I know I don’t. But how do people know when they don’t even hit “Reply”? Hey, I could deal with people saying “You suck. Not interested.” At least you know where you stand, right?

I’m not even talking about people who have spam filters set up on their email programs. Granted. Not everything gets through firewalls and the like. I admit I myself don’t need the latest stock tips on making FREE Viagra add 10 thousand dollars a month to my, well, you know. So I have my webmail filter that crap out too. (But, I still review that stuff before deleting it, because hey, a good stock tip is hard to find online you know.)

And I’m not even talking about vendors or printers trying to hit up a creative director to run a job on our “brand new state-of-the-art incredible 14-color HeidleReffenHoffer Web-O-Matic Press!”

I’m more polite in refusing people who call and ask for money when I’m trying to eat dinner. Even if they’re collecting for pandas in wheelchairs with one arm and cancer. (The one-arm thing is usually the breaking point for me as I give in though.)

What I’m talking about are agencies or studios that we as creatives submit work to, that don’t respond at all. Worse still, applications to open offers of positions they themselves advertised – on their own website. We’re writers, animators, art directors, etc. This is what we do – network or die man.

If you didn’t want the emails, then don’t tell people to send stuff in! Finding new talent is the lifeblood of any agency. But you mean to tell me an agency or studio will not even take two seconds to respond and hit ‘Reply’? Gimmee a little something and help a freelancer out, a’ight?

Tell me I suck. Anything. I could live with that at least.

Worse, worser, worst yet, I’m talking about emails where I was referred to contact people by someone they already knew who works there now. You act as if you owe us money and we’re here to collect.

It’s the equivalent of walking past someone on the street who you know of, you introduce yourself politely, maybe give them your 25 words or less elevator-pitch intro — and they simply look past you and walk away like zombies in a George Romero flick.

Worse, worser, worst, worsing, yet, this happens with interactive agencies. Agencies that are supposed to be on the cutting-edge of technology. (Pssst. You mean you can’t even program an automatic email to be sent back after submitting saying “We got your submission – and you suck”? Not buyin’ it. Email in an interactive agency is your lifeblood – act like it.

By this point you may be saying, ‘Quit your bitching – pick up the phone.” Yeah, right. I’d have more luck talking to Wilson than getting through to the VM gauntlet out there. If CD’s weren’t responding to emails, no way they want to hear my 1-900 smooth talk as I beg for work.

Worstest yet to the nth power though, hands down – this phenomenon happens 99% of the time with small or mid-size agencies than with larger, well-known ones. No lie, every email I’ve ever sent to a top agency across the country was answered with an email back to me, not just a form on a website. Some even said “Thanks.”

Ah. Now I can die.

Small regional agencies? Nope. If a Fallon, W+K or JWT etc., can find time to respond, then generic agencies with names like “SBD – Synergy Brand Development – a Full-Service Marketing and Communications Agency - Where We’re Synergistic About Your Brand,” can. I may believe it if someone at JWT tells me later they’re too busy to respond – but ABC Marketing in Hoboken?

Ya’ got no excuse.

I will answer the email of anyone who ever takes the time to write me and solicit advice or a has a question. Students, fellow freelancers, etc. Anyone with a good stock tip basically. But someone thought enough of you or your company to take the time to email and get info, maybe some advice on their work perhaps, and your time is so precious you can’t take even five minutes out to respond? To hit Reply?

To tell me I suck?