Time to rename Mac OS X.

I love Macs. Coolest computers out there. And new product releases at Macworld? Keep it up Steve, me and my stock love it – even with the Mac entering a new partnership with the Devil.

And with that new half-Mac/half-PC Frankenstein you introduced recently, you’ve always shown why you’re ahead of the curve. But, Steve, can we please come up with a new naming convention for the OS? Panther. Jaguar. Tiger. What's next, Jungle Book characters? “Hey, what are you running there? Mowgli 11.2. Sweet.”

Not.

Now I don't know who has the cat fetish in Cupertino, but I need something new if you’re going to stay on this animal kingdom path. And let's get a few other species involved too, whatta’ ya’ say?

So I have an idea which involves two things I like: take-out and Macs. And if you've worked at enough places like I have, you know that when it's 9:00 pm and you’re on deadline, the Mac AND the take-out menu in the file cabinet are your best friends. But not just any take-out. Not Indian. Not Italian.

I'm talkin’ Chinese people.

Steve, as a friend, it’s for your own good really – let's work in some Chinese restaurant names ok? Open it up to all Asian take-out if you want, just to be PC - no pun intended. The Safari-themed animal park thing you got going, while cute and appealing to the kids in the education demo, just doesn’t have the same flare as say, ‘The Happy Duck – v 11.6.’

This works because most Chinese restaurants are as creative at partnering adjectives with animals as you are with Apple’s products and rock stars.

And so I offer a few possible choices for new operating systems:

1) Joyful Sloth.

2) Panda Joy.

3) Laborious Emu.

4) Elegant Spider Monkey.

5) Wistful Grouse. (My personal favorite)

6) Pervasive Condor.

7) Voracious Dart Frog.

8) Petulant Lemur.

9) Yearning Hyena.

10) Jealous Python.


You get the idea. This has legs though. Your Apple stores could now start to partner with the Chinese restaurants in the food courts. While you wait 45 minutes for a tech, have some lo-mein.

Some Joyful Lo mein.

Call Apple 10 minutes before you leave home, and you’re order is already ready. The packaging could switch to an all-white color scheme. Clean. Minimal. Right in line with their design sense.

Oh shit, I gotta’ go. My order’s ready.