Besides shitty creative that is. (Note: I was saving this one for when my 25-word prison sentence was up. Think it’s easy making your point in 25 words or less? Try it. It’s actually a great exercise in losing your mind.)So what’s the great agency killer I speak of? That one phrase heard above all others in agency land this time of year, sending chills down the collective back of everyone in the studio:
“My son/daughter will be working here for the summer.” That’s right kids.
Nepotism.
Now, to be clear, a summer intern who just happens to be the offspring of the person who signs your check isn’t really that bad. There’s an end in sight come fall, and maybe you can even score a few points by telling them how great their parent is as a boss. Maybe.
Don’t even get me started on its other red-headed cousin: the interoffice romance. That sucks as well, especially if the two get married and continue to work there. Still, it’s not as destructive as having Rainman on staff–forever.
This creature is a virtual black hole that sucks the energy out of a place, and there are two types of which I speak.
The first, like Dustin Hoffman, is able to function and tie their shoes, but generally is little good for anything else. Those types, well, you keep sharp objects away from and have them look at the pretty pictures in the stock photography books.
Then there’s pure evil.
The one who is equally incompetent, but doesn’t care, and worse, acts like you’re the dumbass.
While you may have pity on the former, you’re fucked either way. The agency dynamic is compromised. I have never seen an agency run smoothly when one of the boss’ kids works there. Ever.
Maybe it’s just our industry, because Donald Trump seems to make it work. Even Mom & Pop pizza places. Throw in the John Smith and Sons Plumbing businesses that make this country what it is. At least there, you expect a legacy thing where the family biz will be passed down. (And honestly, if you lost your spot on the team because Jordan’s kid was playing, well, c’mon. It’s Jordan, did you really have a chance?)
But in an agency?
Nothing kills the vibe more. Fucking nothing. You can’t say shit around them. Your ass will be ratted out before you even get back to your desk. The worst part? The kids know they aren’t going anywhere either so they’re untouchable. And when layoffs come? It ain’t Jr. who’s leaving first. It’s as if the one idiot sister who was hired by her smarter younger sister who heads up the agency had nowhere else to go. You can see their father on his deathbed: “No matter what, take care of her.”
No problem. She can work with me at the agency. Sweet.
(The only possible exception to this MTLB rule is the husband and wife design team who run a small shop by themselves. As long as they work together? Have at it. The minute they hire an employee though, the descent into hell begins.)
Shit. Gotta run. Someone got into the toner again and is licking their fingers.
UPDATE: Hj points me to a post that not only covers this topic, but a lot more personality types that kill the studio vibe.
9 comments:
you left out children of the client. there are an unusual number of them interning in an agency near you this summer. they can be identified with the following question:
"Art Director or Copywriter?"
They mostly appear not to know the difference.
I'll be sure to really elaborate on this soon my friend. Been thinking about it since you commented a few weeks back.
anna kate beat me to it, but she's absolutely fucking dead-on. we've had two children of clients intern the past two summers. they do nothing but look disaffected and highly put-out anytime you ask them to do anything. "Help you with your research? I guess..."
Yo, we’re on the same wavelength. Wrote a similar piece at MultiCultClassics. The essay was actually inspired by the summer interns recently hired at the agency where I’m employed. There are about a dozen—at least two are somebody’s kids, and there are zero minorities (unless you count women as minorities). And no, the creative staff was not involved with the selection.
http://multicultclassics.blogspot.com/2007/06/essay-4100.html
ak - while they may be part of the equation, I can honestly say I’ve never had to deal with that scenario. It's mostly been child of the agency head.
In an ideal world one could just give them some money, a pat on the head and a cheery "F--- off and buy some popcorn."
It's what we used to do in banking, always perceived as being a difficult sector to work in.
But then there's the assumption that anyone can work in advertising. Even children and monkeys.
This is just about my favorite MTLB post ever. Maybe the only thing that comes close to the idiot offspring scenario is having to execute the owner's idea for a personal party sign, invitation or anniversary card. You know, it's the owner's idea and your instructions are "don't spend much time on it but, you know, make it look nice." That's always fun.
“don't spend much time on it but, you know, make it look nice.”
Wow, I totally forgot about that TV series from hell spinoff: the boss’ pet project.
I smell new post!
What's scary is that this scenario plays out in BDAs. Which allegedly have all sorts of anti-nepotism rules.
I've seen siblings and children of CDs being hired, as well as siblings and children of CDs at other BDAs-- as if that made a difference.
What was sad was that no one ever noticed if any of them were actually any good or not. No one wanted to work with them or have them in their group because what would happen if you disagreed? Plus you knew they were reporting to Daddy/Big Brother on a daily basis.
retaries who clearly knew about something
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