How the hell does Nurse Hillary have more followers than me on twitter?

And she hasn’t even sent one message. Evil bitch. (Maybe she’s putting all her money towards a YouTube spend?) So I took a look at other candidates all over that social medias thing, you know, on the world wide interwebs? Hey Hillary, Mitt, Rudy and John–okay, timeout for a sec: ‘Mitt?’ Just how much did his parents hate him anyway?–at the very least, even if you don’t have a full grasp on this tweeter thing, have an intern on your staff at least put up a url back to your main sites. Or even have someone throw a few fake posts up there just for appearances. That whole fake thing shouldn’t be too hard for you guys to pull off.

Hey, I know, hire me! Here are a few freebies to start you off. Perfect for any occasion and best of all, they’re candidate agnostic:

• “Hi, I’m running for president.”
• “Standing here in line with real people–like you.”
• “Just leaving the local emergency room visiting patients who can only afford to pay for their senator’s health care.”
• “Hi, I’m running for president.”
• “Just passed a homeless person. I love being in touch with real people–like you.”
• “Just had dinner with an honest to goodness middle class working family, I mean, I’ve heard about them, but to actually experience one up close? Words fail.”
• “Just leaving the general store in town. You know, growing up, my dad used to say (insert example of heartwarming family tale while, um, growing up).”

The other candidates ‘just like you and me’ and their twitter stats:

Mitt Romney:
Joined April, 2007
Followers: 15
Updates: 0
twitter.com/mittromney

Yet to announce he’s even running President Fred (get used to that title):
Joined March, 2007
Followers: 632
Updates: 26
twitter.com/fredthompson

Rudy Giuliani (His updates and thus his info are private. Way to be open Rudy):
Joined March, 2007
Followers: 0
Updates: 0
twitter.com/rudygiuliani

John McCain:
Joined April, 2007
Followers: 19
Updates: 0
twitter.com/johnmccain

Barack Obama:
Joined March, 2007
Followers: 4,139
Updates: 26
twitter.com/barackobama

Hillary Clinton:
Joined March, 2007
Followers: 73
Updates: 0
twitter.com/hillaryclinton

John Edwards:
Joined January, 2007
Followers: 3,250
Updates: 75
twitter.com/johnedwards

Not running, but Al “I took the initiative in creating the internet” Gore:
Joined November, 2006
Followers: 27
Updates: 0
twitter.com/algore

Tags: Hillary Clinton, President Fred Thompson, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, twitter, Billary