A gala Christmas celebration.

Oh you people have no idea. (*bangs head against wall*)

Our town can’t afford a major light show. They have like, 20 giant lit snowflakes x five miles of road. Do the math. But local retailers, (HA, ‘retailers’, sorry, I meant shopkeeepers or merchants), aren’t hampered by this. So this is what I found around town tonight. While I didn’t see anything quite as majestic as the tree in Rockefeller Center, I discovered that nobody wraps lights around shit like my town. Nobody. Take the first pic above. Moving up this year to a green Bug from an all-white one last year, I see the local auto parts store went with one color for the lights, not five. Sassy!

They do bikes around these parts too. Sorry. Bik(e). What can I say, the recession’s hit everyone around here. Maybe next year we throw another one in the scene. Maybe a manger too. Yes, they leave it on and outside all night too.

Now, my neighbor. Whoo-boy. He could’ve used help. Why be part of the pack and use the over-sized Santa and reindeer set like everyone else? Believe it, the picture doesn’t do the amount of red on the roof OR THE AMOUNT OF CANDLEPOWER GIVEN OFF THE TOP justice, almost like they were signaling Bruce Willis on a runway. Imagine a house that gets struck by lightening for eight hours straight in one perpetual bolt. Forget normal bulbs. You know that continuous string of lights for use only under kitchen cabinets? Yeah. Let’s use those! Times. 10. Oh, and also, just do the edge of everything—forget shapes known to man.

(Click any image to enlarge, and btw way, no more + signs here for pics. If you don’t know by now to click on an image in any site to make it larger, you need to leave the internet now.)