“Oh wait, here’s the part where Snowflake jumped up and swallowed the ring.”

Since people need to eat, pay taxes, and die, the three most seemingly recession-proof occupations have always been cooks, accountants and morticians. I came across what may be a new one though: Dolphin tank marriage proposals. Only guys would ever think this shit up.

Typical scenario: A dude and his girlfriend stand around for five minutes watching dolphin tricks, one of which involves the ring somehow. Then, proposal ensues. The family for their part tapes it with accompanying audio of Dolphin shrieks on par with cell phone concert footage. Play-by-play commentary? Listen to that first line and see why I lose sleep. (Must be something to the magic of dolphins though—when’s the last time you saw a guy get rejected in a tank?)

Some videos are more tasteful, preferring to go with a slideshow and soothing sounds. Awww. Others? Less so because nothing blesses a future union like high-pitched squeals. If this economy keeps tanking, maybe I might have to open up a bed and breakfast dolphin thing.