I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.

I KNOW you do. Look, I give up on the song cover-remake thing, but a money-back guarantee? So, like, it’s midnight and I have a towel fail after trying to carry 25 lbs of wet fruit from the sink to the fridge, and it breaks. Is there someone I can call? If anyone needs to lean on me, I’ll be in the corner, sobbing, watching the latest Wendy’s spots.