Writes itself, don’t it. I swear sometimes, I get the best material on the weekends. Received the usual junk mail pile Saturday, with one that stuck out. Kinda like that loner pup you feel sorry for that keeps to itself in a mall pet store window. It had its share of the usual DM tricks: handwritten underlined font, key words bold, all-caps and RED.Ok, I’ll bite. (Plus, I’m a sucker for a good pitch with religious themes. Heartstrings will be tugged and I want in.) That, and I’m always on the lookout for blog material, so...rip. Blow. Shake out the contents.
We have gold people.
It’s clear that the non-chalant “JESUS LOVES YOU” on the outside of the #10 was just a front, because inside, Gary Busey is now God’s co-pilot. I got brochures, I got chain letters. I got prayer rugs commanding me. I don’t know where to start. Ok, take the New Testimonial. Also employing the tried and true First name, last name initial only from Maryland says “I got money and stuff...” They’re always from Maryland. The pictures reminding me of something from last week’s America’s Most Wanted. (Front and back below.)
Then there’s the money shot, aka, prayer rug. (Click on first image at top of post to enlarge). Do not mock prayer rug. Ever. Obey your Prayer Rug. It is your friend.
The whole thing is, according to the directions on the other side, (second image next to it), you watch Jesus on the paper prayer rug and his eyes will open. Rub it on your knees, then pass it on to another needy house. But the letter says send it back to the ministry? Confusion factor at an 11 now. If God needs help running a DM campaign, we’re really screwed. It is then I wonder, what would Crispin do? With direct mail like this, that is.
Instead. I opt to cast it below. To Satan’s garbage can. Where I will join them soon enough for using MONEY SHOT, JESUS and CRISPIN in the same post.
9 comments:
"Power of prayer?"
"You're soaking in it."
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh, Madge."
Go to www.choosejesusrightnow.com & click on BUMPER STICKERS.
I'm a sucker for anything soaked in the power of prayer. Jesus' eyes didn't open for me though, I'm kind of bummed out now.
They're always from Maryland. That's why I moved here - greater success rates for those who pray for $$
-Aj (gotta keep usin' the initials)
How can I obtain one of these prayer rugs? please email me and let me know at sugar9292006@yahoo.com
only one thing to do - put it through the cross cut shredder, put the shred in the return envelope and mail it :-)
hello ,i have been wanting a church prayer rug for some time now .didnt know where to find it ,please can someone send me one ,,this my address kelly jo pratt po, box 316 frederic mi 49733 i love this rug .please can u help .thank you so much or my e-mail kellyjopratt@hotmail.com thank again
Im not a hardcore cristian, or even directly associate my self with any single faith. I however opened that same letter and found the same "rug".
Now I dont know how famialer you are with the printing buisness but tha was a really dope ass print. Bleed to edges double sided on very fragile ricepape and oversized. That is what blew my mind. Didnt even see what else was in the envelope.
luckey... Just print out the image at the top of the page.
Thats your prayer rug.
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