Have I said that before? Today I mean it. You people bow to me right now. This is like the Super Bowl victory of blog posts. Jesus junk mail chain letter prayer rug? I’m sorry, but it’s over. You are now my No. 2.The only criteria for what I post has always been things creatives talk about at work: Movies, music, bad campaigns and whatever else. This is why you see things ranging from local Jesus car dealer ads to discussions on politics. While that can tend to throw off those who like their blogs to focus on a specific topic, it keeps me from getting bored.
So looking up stuff for another mega post yesterday and I came across a story featuring Joe The Plumber™, who is is now being called upon as a GOP adviser to Republican staffers in Washington. No deep political discussion today however because Joe The Plumber just got trumped.
Clicking through random links in stories as I do, I just happened to scroll down and see a small link to a site that carries a velvet painting likeness of Joe. Time out. Although I’ve had funky artwork here before, tell me you’re not clicking a Velvet Joe link.
Then you click.
Sometimes, you come across something so amazing, that words fail.
You click through on the “Quality you can FEEL” link and are amazed at everything you see in the Gallery section. Not just the use of 1979-style internet web design or the copywriting you can FEEL, but you also appreciate the mouse type on how to order—in red on a red background.
“But Bg, what if I order and they’re out of stock.” Not to worry, because they have a limitless amount in stock. Limitless.
“But Bg, how do I know the copywriting I order will be as good as what I already have. I mean, I have been burned before you know. I just can’t take the risk.”*
*Risky? Risky for other people, but not for you! Because with the internationally-savvy black velvet agents of Indignico Inc. at your side all of your risky Tijuana maybes will become gift-wrapped (not included) certainties!
The commissioned series at the bottom where you can be immortalized in velvet—with your AK-47? Oh, no, no, no. Roy and his little fren will have to wait, because you then click through to the Flickr page.
I said the Flickr page.
I give you Abu Ghraib velvet.
I give you Sleestack velvet.
I give you hours of viewing pleasure for your blogging dollar.
Had enough? Course not. You then click on ‘Products’ and scroll down.
I give you a velvet CHIMP PLAYING CARDS!**
Whew. I, I, I can’t go on. After all that, I’m spent. I need a cigarette.
Or a whole carton.
(Image via.)
**No actual chimps were harmed in the painting of this soon-to-be American classic. Less a chimp actually than a nearly-almost close resemblance to C. Everett Koop taking the house to the cleaners with four aces. Pay dat chimp hisss money.
3 comments:
Because for YOU, the fiendishly compulsive black velvet portraiture-consuming public, Indignico Inc. has sacrificed the very best days from the young lives of many of our junior executives in the back alleys and poorly lit bowels of Tijuana's finest black velvet galleries and tip-top trinket shoppes in the creation of a unique and very fragile web of shady foreign contacts, painstakingly built from certain unnamed elements within the friendlier branches of the Tijuana Black Velvet Mafia and maintained daily by the throwing around of the Frankiln-Mint sized girth of our powerful Patriot Portrait Collectible limited-edition presidential-style portraiture collections. And we do it all for You.
Epiphany: we really DO need more velvet.
But no Velvet Elvi. The trust has put the squash on the granddaddy of all velvet goodness, calling them unlicensed copy infringement and pursuing purveyors aggressively.
So ironically, if you actually own a velvet Elvis now, that picture that was once reviled as trail-trash accoutrement is now as valuable as an art gallery original in some circles.
Just my little contribution to the Velvet veneration.
@AN - In times like these? We most certainly do.
@Bob - Even without the Velvis, Velvet Bill O’Reilly more than makes up for it.
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