Car shopping fun part 2.

There’s gotta be fishing bobbers over the doors that move as soon as we drive up. Walk in the showroom and it’s the same six guys trying to make that month’s quota, all eyeing you like new meat on D-Block. One comment on the previous post mentioned how much the dealer rules Detroit, and, it’s true. No matter how many automotive brands I’ve worked on, the whole process gets me every time, and I freaking hate it.

The goal is simple now: Survive the walk across the showroom floor with family in tow just to sit in a damn car. At one point fighting back the initial onslaught of “So, how we doing today?” I think I even yelled out “Hold! As one! Single column!”

So what I learned in this latest excursion is what I suspected would happen again since the last time I ventured out: Not much has changed. Desperate times? So what. 20+ years of buying cars and except for Saturn’s no-haggle I’m your friend approach, it’s all the same. Dealers entice you to come in and try and find the deal they listed on the full-page ad of your local paper. (They REALLY love it when you point out how you can’t seem to find that deal on the lot anywhere.)

Hyundai. Saturn. Ford. Chrysler. GM. VW. Kia. Toyota. Dodge. Yep. Trying them all in the price range just to see what’s new—if anything. For the most part, each carmaker always had a certain way it drove. (Chrysler’s front end was usually meant to die by 60,000 miles, Ford rode like a tank, etc.) But having rented a lot of cars for business these past few years, handling and ride has improved across the board for most of the Big Three.

Besides the ride, what else has changed? Some dealers have plenty of 2009 brochures but no matching 2009 vehicles (Hyundai.) Others have no 2009 brochures, but plenty of 2009 cars. (Saturn.) Deals most carmakers are throwing your way? Well, does 0.0% or cash back do the trick? Not in Hyundai’s case.

They ran different spots with Jeff Bridges to get you to Think About It, sure, but they’ve done nothing to change reality as far as I’m concerned. Industry-leading vehicle warranties and other protections can’t mask the fact that the fit and finish feels cheap. (And this ain’t no $17,000 car either.)

VW? Deals and resale aside, I wanted to like the Touran; I had two Jettas before—I just couldn’t fit in it comfortably. Same too for Subaru. (My criteria for buying a car is a lot simpler that it is for most people: I need to be able to get in without banging the hell out of my knee or my head. Complete those tasks? Forget the rest and let’s talk financing, mister.)

Dodge and Chrysler? Only deal they’re offering is employee pricing for another few weeks. They have really “agressive pricing” according to my sales guy. Hmmm. Aggressive in my mind would be matching what the others are doing: 0% financing for 60 months. Instead, they only go 36. I’m surprised Chrysler missed the mark there. They of all companies should know that people want to borrow longer. Of course, with 60-month leases more popular now, I can see the country heading towards loans rivaling the term of home mortages. “Announcing GM’s new 15-year plan!”

OH, yeah, and the “We’ll take over your payments if you lose your job” thing? HA! Everyone has it now. But hold up a sec... forget freelancers because it doesn’t apply to: the self-employed, (moi), anyone retired, an employee of that particular car company, part-time workers, anyone receiving a severance or a seasonal worker. (Seasonal worker? Are people coming over from Mexico in such droves that this was a problem?

Basically, that list is about 90% of the country. Guess they didn’t get the email about small businesses being the real engine of our economy—why help them.

Kia? Just too unreliable. Our 4-year experiment with them now over thanks to a tree, I can officially say more cupholders, while nice, is waaaaay overrated. (Before that, we tried their first-ever minivan which subsequently broke down after six months. Went back to the dealer? Out of business. When we called Kia directly, they had no idea it had closed. So yeah, experiment over.)

See, Hyundai, Kia and Chrysler fall in the same category here: It’s as if they expect people to go for the perceived value of things like extra cupholders, extended warranties and stow and go seating so much they’ll overlook things like maintenance costs and reliability down the road. Maybe a few will, but screw the guarantee on the box, I think I’d rather buy a quality product from Tommy Boy instead.

Have to say, Ford surprised me a lot with how solid a lot of their rides have become, but Saturn seems to be the one for now. That’s what shopping turns into: One car becomes the fav and it’s up to the others to knock it out of first place. Stay tuned for more misery...

But first, let me go get my manager. Be right back.