OKAY, I’M BACK. I TOOK SOME TIME OFF AFTER THE 2008 ELECTION TO SEE HOW THINGS WERE GONNA PLAY OUT. (IT’S NOT A RED OR BLUE THING MIND YOU, BECAUSE I SERVE THE COUNTRY—NOT ANY ONE PARTY.) ANYWAY, I TOOK LAST YEAR OFF TO DO THE GRANDFATHER THING. EVEN GOT A TWITTER. IT’S CLEAR THOUGH THAT THE COUNTRY NEEDS ME. SO NOW HERE I AM. BUT DOES CTU APPRECIATE IT? NFW. INSTEAD, I GET STUCK WITH ANOTHER DIRECTOR WHO NEEDS ME TO GET TORTURED AND SHOT BEFORE BELIEVING ME, NEVER MIND THAT I, OH, I DON’T KNOW, SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD THREE TIMES THE WEEK BEFORE? AND CHLOE. JE-UH-SUZ. SHE’S STILL HERE WITH THAT JUST SAW MY PARENTS NAKED SCOWL. OH, AND THE BATTLESTAR GALATICA CHICK IS THERE. I’D MAKE A MOVE IF I WASN’T A GRANDFATHER AND IF I STILL DIDN’T HAVE A THING FOR RENEE WALKER. SPEAKING OF, AN HOUR INSIDE HER FIRST OP SHE CUTS OFF A GUY’S THUMB. THAT’S SO HARDCORE IT MADE EVEN ME CRINGE. I’LL SAY THAT AGAIN IN LOWERCASE PINK ITALICS: She cut off a guy’s thumb. NOW THAT’S TEAM BAUER HARDCORE.BAUER, OUT.
TAGS: JACK BAUER, 24, PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON, JACK BAUER MEANS DEATH, KIEFER SUTHERLAND GRAVITAS, JACK BAUER FACTS
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