Your security is an illusion, redux.

A heightened sense of security... or the new paranoia. You decide!

Yeah, no, it’s relevant. We all travel, no? Cuz we do, we expect airport security to be perfect now each time out, or so the thinking goes. As the previous administration was fond of saying, “We need to be right every single time—while the terrorists only need to be right once.”

But these stories will keep popping up: Today, some dude kissed his significant other good-bye in what was supposed to be a secure area where no TSA agent was standing.

Oops.

The odds of dying by terrorist incident on a plane are less than those of say, being struck by lightening, and there will always be the d-bag faction out there who think rules don’t apply to them > Said significant other helping said dude under a rope. (Or this guy.)

All those two are likely guilty of is being made for each other d-bags who inconvenienced a ton of people in the airport, thanks to a heightened sense of security... or paranoia, depending on your point of view.

Taking that security angle one step further though, starting hourly pay for a TSA screener is what, $11? Taco technician at the Bell is what, minimum wage, say $7.25 or so? I can’t even get extra freakin napkins, let alone my order right.

Do the math that for $4 more, things will get exponentially better as someone scans my overnite for plastic shapes.

All I’m saying is, maybe we shouldn’t expect every screener to be Steven Seagal, Lawman.

Instead, maybe it just always comes down to one passenger jumping over seats on their own. The president then holds meetings after to say the system broke down. As I said before though, it’s not that the system is broke, the system is not in place.

When a father turns in his own son and nobody picks ups a phone to tell airlines “Hey, maybe we should keep him off planes?” What an airport screener sees or doesn’t see at that point hardly comes into it.

The best thing that’s come from this may be that passengers now have permission to beat the shit out of anyone they think is acting funny or walking a little too quickly to the bathroom. Which, after an in-flight ham slash grilled cheese cardboard special, is everyone.

Trust me, Seagal ain’t sitting behind you on every flight.

Think about it though: You can do anything to them and you’ll get off free. All you have to do is tell officials after the fact that you thought the person was acting suspicious. You can even use this terrorist security defense anywhere.

Bad day at work? Come to blows with a co-worker? Just tell people you thought they were acting suspiciously. Worst case, they let you off with a warning and say you were just being paranoid.