YOU WILL ROAST IN A CAULDRON OF TINSELY FLAMING DEATH!

State Farm’s deathscare squad is back, just in time for Christmas. (Wait, are we still saying Christmas?) Enjoy the fun as they run through a few commonplace scenarios where homeowners get stupid. I will say we've been lucky in all our tree-trimming years to not have had any fires, save for the collateral damage of glass ornaments hitting wood floors thanks to our cat.* Closest to holiday fire stories I got: When I was six and change, our neighbor took out his second floor after using a propane torch to peel some paint. (Their Christmas sucked and man, the fire smell is almost impossible to get rid of.) Then just a few years ago a guy with a snow plow kit on his 4x4 hit a curb at Town Fair Tire across from us. Time from smoldering of kit to fully engulfed vehicle? Less than four minutes - for true! Which leads me to the part where State Farm should do one where people can see what happens in actual unedited time before a room flashover occurs and just how quickly a room goes up. Oh, and the cord thing: Not really sure CVS and Lowe’s sell a lot of those knock-off cords (UL THAT SHIT KIDS), but, don’t be a dumbass and bury them under a carpet or where people walk. That is all. Happy Holidays from me and State Farm. (These clips really didn’t need the music, but in case you need a version with a more dramatic backing track that builds to a fiery crescendo.)

*R.I.P. Adonis, you crazy little fucker.