Marketing speak.

When words fail, combine! Hey Maxxinistas, have a Maxxinistabratiocilicious time shopping! And, if u r on the fb, check us out!

But doesn’t the get a grip thing defeat the whole purpose of finger-licking good?

It’s okay, you know the answer. How are you not in marketing brand speak porn heaven after reading:

“We're always looking for outside-the-bucket campaigns that place KFC at the forefront of marketing trends, and with the new Boneless Filet Box meal we couldn't resist reaching out to professional athletes to help deliver the message that consumers can ‘get a grip’ on a meatier way to eat chicken.”

You can see the “grip” thing with golf clubs, and associating it with “grip” the chicken with our new shorter french fry holder cup thing. Someone though, is losing their just out of the fryolator chicken on the floormat as soon as they make a hard right leaving KFC. Because golf grips = tight. This ain’t that. (I’ve tried chicken nuggets in that paper thing to cool them off, people—fail. Instead, try a napkin wrapped around it while holding outside the window.)

Sure, they wanted to move away from greasy chicken to healthier living, but it’s sad watching finger-licking good die a little more every day. Sad I say. Course, it wouldn’t be me without pointing out that the grip logos will be all but covered up on TV.

The bucket with balls though? Genius!

No, no it’s not.

The ad word Funky Noun verbalization continues with a new spot out for Eureka. (No clip yet.) Next to Ford woman telling me “I gotta put Mercury on my list!” this one may rank second on the annoyance meter.

Tags: Eureka

And by day, I’m a wiseass.

Wired has some solid articles and writing. So why do the ads in it suck? It’s like the ones you see in the back of a tech conference 12-page program. Sexy. Anyway, found one I’m taking to Funky Noun: brand name as verb. As in, do you Zappos? I Zappos actually. Ordered stuff a few times. No problems. Except with this ad.

Tags: Zappos

Won’t you take me to Funky Noun?

It’s adwords run amok I tell you. I’m not talking Chillabration. I mean dual-purpose nouns acting as verbs, adjectives becoming nouns. It’s probably our fault anyway, what with the use of ‘creative.’ “The creatives are here to present the creative. Creatively.”

The recent offenders that got me all kee-razy though?

- Slimfast and Find your slim. Adjective and subtle half-brand name as noun.
- Kraft and Kraft your sandwich. Half-something, half-brand name as noun.
- Haynes and Wait til we get our Haynes on you. Half-pun, half-brand name as noun.
- Old Navy and Get your Fash-on. Noun mashup as nicknoun mixed back in on its bad self.
- In addition to ‘getting,’ don’t forget about releasing your inner ‘anything.’ (fast, geek, etc.) Everyday adjectives and nouns as superhero noun.

Add your own suggestions people–I don’t wanna hog all the anger.

Tags: Old Navy, Haynes, Slimfast