The weak ends.

CHRIS HAPPENS — First, listen to Jetpacks and the rest of us: Good viral just happens. It’s either stuff you plan or stuff you don’t. (How, where and when you upload it is a different story, because this involves anything from using seeding firms to having co-workers spreading it around.) Ray-Ban, Guitar Hero World Tour or iBand is “planned” because it involves a set piece or stunt you need to pull off in one shot. Things like Alec Baldwin and our boy Bale are unplanned. They just happened to get caught in a spontaneous moment with a certain expectation of privacy, unaware they were soon to be internet famous. (As for distribution, no seeding required because that shit seeds itself.)>
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BAILING OUT BALE — It was Christian Bale’s outburst that fueled blogs and TV tabloids this week. The weirdest moment being Fake Bale taunting passersby at Gruman’s Chinese. (In a further bit of ironical funk, I flashed back to the doc on those street actors where the Batman in it actually does have anger management issues.) So after all that, he issued an apology where he said among other things:

“Hey, I know a number of people are gonna be thinking, they don't wanna go see the movie because they think I’m some kind of prima donna or something.”

Oh, no way mate, I ain’t missing it. Maybe he apologized out of fear that nobody would come see Terminator Salvation? Possibly. But I think he should’ve stuck to his guns, remained silent and not cave to the damage control team that got to him. Siding with actors on this one, but I don’t know any DPs who can open a movie at 50+ million. If there are? Let them dance like Hammer around the set then.

But wait, there’s more: If I’m any mobile brand I figure out a way to run a promotion during the movie on opening weekend: Text your guess as to which scene the outburst took place in and win something cool. Buzz baby, buzz!
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SCARRED FOR LIFE? HOW ABOUT WE JUST GIVE YOU $10 AND YOU DON’T SAY ANYTHING THEN — What’s the hidden cost of watching porn? It’s not eternal ruination, but 10 bucks, according to Comcast.

“While this credit won't change what happened, we hope it'll demonstrate to the customers and the Tucson community how seriously we're taking this situation.”

No, what this demonstrates is how two sides of the same situation handle things differently. Comcast has no choice really. They have to take the “We’re responsible for protecting your family” position. Although “exposure” to the clip was limited, the fact that we love hot lawyer on lawyer Super Bowl action in this country means FCC fines can’t be far behind.

But then, waiting in the wings and capitalizing on the moment? Pink Visual turned around and offered Comcast customers $10 off subscriptions to their own mobile and other adult services, just in case, you know, they wanted to see the rest of the porn film. Ok, most porn is free online and why would you go for the deal, but still, it’s a funny offer. Way to fill that negative space. (Ouch.)

Funniest line out of this whole thing though may be from the least likely source, Parents Television Council president Tim Winters: “...why is it always porn that’s aired?” ... “TV station ‘accidents’ never include a rerun of The Cosby Show....”

Indeed.

(Email Comcast for your $10 here.)