Local localness.

It’s not a local ad, but it sure does make great copy. Cigars, clothes and bait. Just another day at the beach here in paradise.

In the clink? Call Team Pink.

Pure bail bonds awesomeness. Because you want your bail “Fast and sweet.” Lipstick will even offer you a ride home in their pink Hummer. If that doesn’t scare you straight, nothing will.

Signage of the times.

Maybe they’re organic? (Via.)

We got records.

I bow, Mr. Flipside. A nice homage to SCTV.

Mike Hostilo represents.

ALL CASES! Holla at ya boy Mike when trouble comes knockin.

Shapoopi 2!

In case you didn’t get enough of the first Vern Fonk shapoopi.

Hurt in a wreck and need a check?

WHAT’S WRONG WITH FRANK’S STACHE? Did he have a Movember mishap? He needs someone to get him the money he deserves! Not really sure people are going to be around to collect that check if they land on the roof like that, though.

Forks are for closers.

Damn Alec, use a fork. Is this further proof that working for Huffington Post requires a second and third job? Is it mere hyperbole to say these Wegmans spots are the worst thing you’ll ever see, even with Alec Baldwin? I say that too as a former denizen of said Western New York (where we call it pop). I was a Loblaws guy mahself. No. 2 after the jump...

Come on down.

I would buy a car from Mr. Appliance.

Hurt in a wreck? We’ll get you a check!

Superhero™ Glen Lerner to the rescue.

“OR YOU CAN DRIVE YOUR CAR!”

Local spot gold, courtesy of Vern Fonk Insurance and AdPulp. There’s lots mores too!

When the phone rings, we whoosh into action!

BMT is there with a stare when you need us. Whoosh!

Surf without the turf.

Have to agree, probably not the best way to advertise fish.

Easy on, easy off.

Probably too much word spacing going on there, justahunch. So I guess this would about the pursuit of happiness, whatever that is. That’s what the U.S. owner’s manual says anyway, right? But I gotta ask, what the hell is it with Jersey outdoor signs?

Z-Ro Greenspoint Bail Bonds, represent.

You. In your time of need. If there’s a better line in a bail bonds radio spot than “I’m gonna be at home befo’ they fingerprint me,” IMMA REFUND YOUR MONEY. Can you like a bail bonds on Facebook? YOU CAN NOW. Like any good local business, Greenspoint Bail Bond has two locations to serve you better.

Getting you the money you deserve—as long as you're really hurt.

Local lawyer ads that don’t suck? Trolman, Glaser & Lichtman makes it so with a nod to the overly-litigious mindset of the country. Get hurt? Get yours then! In a departure from the typical themes of the genre that even they’ve done, the gamer in Power has severe emotional distress but probably doesn’t have a case. BECAUSE HE’S AN IDIOT. Now, if he got a seizure from playing, then just back truck up now and start loading the cash. In Machete, the perils of paper cuts are examined. C’mon, you know someone who acts just like both of these people, doncha’?

(Agency: The Levinson Tractenberg Group.)

Forget fireworks—never use guns as party favors.

I thought everyone in St. Petersburg was at the beach or the Dali museum. Who has time to shoot up the place? Happy 4th, all you loyal citizens.

“Flame-retardant Gi included with all new sign-ups.”

What was I saying about balance on the net? Oh yeah, that Nike spots can live alongside this gem, each awe-inspiring in their own way.

(Tip to Michael.)

Rock Star for the defense, your honor.

Chip Forstall is your man. Attorney and... Rock Star™! Chip also does the R&B thing too.

(Tip via Highjive.)

The most annoying ad in the world.

I flipped a coin: Post about Facebook’s new privacy settings, or post the most annoying car ad in the world. Heads you win: Latter. Qablawi almsot moves past Rhett & Link for bad local, except, this shit’s real. (There’s another one in case you think this was a fluke.) Why does the happy guy strike me as the older batshit brother in the family. The one who couldn’t hold down a job, and the one who dad told the younger brother with the head on his shoulders “I’m counting on you to take care of him when I’m gone. I don’t care what you do—give him a broom or something and let him clean up—just keep him away from the customers.” In case they’re father and son, then there goes that theory.