Use of cell phones while reading this blog is not permitted.

I OWE YOU BLOG STUFF, I KNOW. Sokay, I gave in and paid $10 for a movie this weekend. Best part of Captain America? SAM JACKSON IN 3D! How come the Coen Bros. never do one in this amazing technology? (C’mon, No Country For Old Men and the air bolt killer thingy coming out at you? That’s movie fun, friendo.) One of the things that was different tonight was a new sign above telling people no cell phones et al. (basically anything that lights up). I semi-sorta appreciate a theatre that tries to cut down on distracting bursts of light during a movie, akin to our friends in Texas. But the fail award goes to Sprint, which ran three separate trailers each prompting users to text something. DID I SAY FAIL, because it was. As for 3D, I can seriously take it or leave it. It was basically used more for enhancing the depth of field than projectiles dramatically shooting out at you. I’d like to see Sam in 3D in an over the top 70sploitation film though. Quentin, get on that bitch.

Some people would think this is a demeaning job.

(Via.)

The end of the world is coming... again.

As if on cue after the Jon Favreau post on visionaries promoting films, along comes a website for Terrence Malik’s latest film Tree of Life with Brad Pitt and Malik vet Sean Penn. (Trailer after the jump.) If you’ve watched any of his previous movies, you know he deals with not only man’s place but purpose in the world. Based on the clips at the site twowaysthroughlife.com, looks like he’s exploring those themes via a sci-fi slash supernatural lens. (As far as sci-fi and deep meanings behind man’s purpose goes, watch Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey from 1968 if you’ve never seen it. Like Malik, Kubrik is/was a slow build.)

As Favreau said though, it may be less likely these days, if not impossible, to find that visionary who knows how to promote a film from a place of confidence, but maybe it’s that there are less visionary filmmakers making visionary films. Making something worth shouting about that transcends the noise around it speaks louder than any ad campaign.

How do you market cowboys and aliens?

Very carefully.

“The days of a bold visionary having a gut feeling and going with their gut, regardless of what feedback they’re getting, those days are over, I think.”

That’s director Jon Favreau talking about his latest film Cowboys & Aliens and how he sees visionary people behind the marketing of movies as almost extinct now. When I saw the trailer at the movies, it was like, well, here’s about the only two genres left that nobody bothered to mix before now... sci-fi and westerns, and can they make it work? (Least not in this medium. Comics have always played with different themes and time and place.) I had a different take on the vision part as far as marketing goes though.

There may be less of the visionary personality to drive a film, but movies and movie promotions themselves can still break out. They need to, especially when they don’t feature an A-lister to help boost opening weekend.

IT’S TIME FOR REAL MEN TO TAKE BACK MOVIES BACK.*

YOU PATHETIC NOOB TUBERS WON’T SEE THIS ONLINE IN ONE OF YOUR TORRENTS. NOT WHEN YOU HAVE THE EXPENDABLES AND BULLETS. LOTS OF BULLETS. STALLONE & CO. GO ALL IN TO PUT GUYS AND VIOLENCE TOGETHER WHERE THEY BELONG: THE MOVIE THEATRE. CHICK FLICK? DATE NIGHT? TELL YOUR STORY WALKING BITCH BECAUSE KLEENEX WON’T BE SPONSORING THIS ONE. THEATRES AREN’T JUST FOR JULIA ROBERTS FILMS EITHER, THEY’RE FOR GUYS AND THEIR MOVIES. THAT’S RIGHT: GUYS SEE MOVIES, UN-GUYS SEE *FILMS*. YOU WILL SEE THIS MOVIE—YOU WILL NOT SEE HERS. I SUPPOSE YOU NEED THE SONG. HERE IT IS BUT DON’T INTERRUPT AGAIN: ANDREW W.K.’S I GET WET.

(VIA.)

*APOLOGIES FOR ALL-CAPS/MORSE CODE JACK BAUER THROWBACK MODE. BUT IT JUST FELT RIGHT. (NOT, LIKE *TOUCHY FEELY* BUT LIKE HOW JACK’S FINGERS WRAP AROUND AN HK.) WAIT, GUYS DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING. SUCK IT.

"Girls like guys who stand near flames."

Commercials for movie tie-ins suck. Almost always, almost universally. Except this one. I haven’t seen the new Iron Man sequel yet, but if the tone of it is anything like the tongue-in-cheek vibe of the first one, the writing in this spot may be better. McGruber meets Remington Steele for the LG Ally. Not that it matters anyway what phone they chose to partner with. They’re all the same and all chasing the iPhone. (I have the LG Vu with the Dick Tracy TV antenna, and for finding the nearest Superhero™? It works just fine my friends.)

Now you can smell like Iron Man too.

I meant Iron Man 2. Movies and cologne, a perfect fit, naturally. It’s either genius or a wtf move. Ehhh, former! This special edition of Diesel’s Only The Brave scent is being released to coincide with the new Iron Man sequel. But, now that you see it, shouldn’t every film should have its own scent? Smell like Vincent Vega? Winner! Paul Blart... maybe not.

(Via box vox.)

Movie poster madness.

Scary, isn’t it. That’s the Polish one-sheet for Aliens. Found in the dusty bins at onesheetindex.com, the one place to kill 10 hours if you’re a movie freak.

Vogue cover, or Disney sci-fi movie poster. DIscuss!

At the rate Vogue is going, models will be down to modeling spines anyway, so this isn’t too far off the mark. But fooled ya! It’s from a series of promo posters for Disney’s latest The Surrogates (with Bruce Willis).

Screw the movie, we got titles!

The Art of the Title Sequence is an awesome site devoted to great film openings. The things that used to suck but which have gotten better and better over the years. Mostly. Everything from Reservoir Dogs to the underrated U-Turn.

(Via kwwphoto.)

“That’s hero plus, plus, plus.” Carmaker movie tie-in speak returns.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the movie theaters, an article in the LA Times breaks down some of the new product placement you’ll be seeing this summer. When we last left the world of movie promotions and tie-ins, GM was Transforming the industry.

Since then, Mercedes-Benz and Ford have been making a few Bold Old Moves of their own. Why, it’s S In The City: S-Class that is. Sassy! And, fresh from upstaging Will Smith in I Am Legend, Ford says let’s just do remakes from now on with the new Knight Rider, thus replacing the official car of mullet nation* and C&W music fans everywhere. (Somewhere, there has to be a mathematical equation that shows the relationship between how much a product appears on screen and how good the movie is.)

And as the quote in the title shows, there’s also no shortage of marketing-speak to describe this current perfect storm of PR, consumers and brands. It’s a win-win! Only problem is, when a brand like Audi pays a ton to have its :15 minutes of fame but then ends up being cut from the final movie, what’s a brand to do? Well, for starters, run to the producer and complain. Forget that the director probably cut the scene for the good of the movie—this is the brand’s money shot!

Artistic vision be damned, we need to move metal.

*No really, I have nothing against mullets.

Tags: Mercedes-Benz, Ford, Sex In The City

PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED. Fun with PG-13.

Saw this article on how studios are getting around the ratings system for kids advertising by using marketing partners to indirectly pitch them. That’s not the only problem I see though. Studios also routinely run trailers for movies that have a more restrictive rating than the one people came to see. What’s missing too is any discussion of another important factor. It’s not irresponsible advertisers—it’s parents who bring their 6-year olds to PG-13 movies in the first place, offering up two popular excuses that I can’t buy: 1) “Couldn’t find a sitter” and 2) “Kids are more grown-up these days, they can handle it.”

Oh yeah? All I know is, my dad took me to see 2001 when I was five, and I still haven’t recovered. Nothing messes with someone like Kubrick early in life. Just sayin.

Go be scared of plants.

More trailers promoted by microsites, (aka, here’s where I go off on what I’d do if someone threw a shitload of money at me to promote a movie). The Ruins put out Human Labrat via Justin TV to show what happens when, nevermind, go see. It’s got a few hundred thousand views and it’ll probably get a bunch more, but there’s a few things I might’ve done differently—take it for what it’s worth. The goofy/humerous tone of the site seems to undermine the theme of the film, (which is vines that attack, so why would you let them grow inside you as some kind of experiment).

The whole webcam and actor experience feels too scripted for my liking also. Really creep that shit out and make it more spontaneous, almost like surveillance footage where he discovers the thing on his own. It’s obvious they money on the growing vine effect inside his face, but then the graphic that takes over the screen looks hokey. (The Facebook banner ad looked cooler.)

And for a 'viral' theme, there are no options to embed a clip anywhere for people to ‘spread’ around on blogs. Tip for any weed killer brand: get some space on those sites running these trailers.

Tags: The Ruins

War viral. What is it good for. ABSOLUTELY...

Ok, more movie viral incoming. The new Jet Li Jason Statham War flick has a site with a scene remixer. Thought it would be way cooler, like, make your own fights cooler, with Chuck Norris vs. Li type stuff. Nope. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Instead check out the accompanying martial arts fights clip site. Especially the Bruce Lee and Bas Rutten clips. They’re a much better waste of time. Or, fall back on an old friend: skop.com’s Bruce Lee kungfu-remixer.

Tags: Jet Li, War

Teens digging movies.

Chris over at MMM has a post on teens and the influence of movie promotion effectiveness on them. As much as I hate the high cost of going out to the movies, guess it’s not bugging them. And for more movie stuff, Chris also did a full show on Jaffe’s most recent Across The Sound podcast too.

Who wants sequels?

I do, I do! I guess. Thinking out loud here, but I was wondering how the hell The Bourne Ultimatum, the third in the series, almost last in line as a summer blockbuster release, racked up almost as much as The Simpsons, in fewer theatres, and without the big head start Simpsons fans brought to their movie. (18+ years as a TV show, not to mention the tons of promotions behind it either–everything from finding real Springfields to Kwik-E-Mart takeovers.) Certainly both have their core fans, but considering both had comparable success in their opening weekends, is this a case for just running outdoor and trailers and forgetting all that other stuff, especially if you already have that built-in audience? Their blitz nothwithstanding, I haven’t seen much in the way of heavy promotion for it.

Not even a Jason Bourne Happy Meal.

As films go, the franchise follows the exact same predictable template each time out, even more than the Diehard series: Matt Damon forgets shit, does cool spy stuff, has intense bad guy fight sequence, does slick driving, then seeks revenge against his handlers. Maybe it’s the repetition people need: gimmee the same, each time out, with no surprises, and I’ll fork over the cash. To be fair, while this one does follow an established template, it also delivers as well as the first two, if not better. (It’s definitely more non-stop than Live Free or Die Hard 22 and Transformers with some of the best fight sequences in the series.) They also leave it open for, you guessed it, a prequel-sequel: Bourne 4–Bourne Harder perhaps?

Tags: The Bourne Ultimatum, The Simpsons

Transformers: they blowed up real good.

“It’s got giant fucking robots doing huge fucking damage to a lot of fucking expensive hardware and property.” Yep. Pretty much dead-on. Two things I’d add. First, Michael Bay seems to have stripped more than a few of his signature parts from previous work, (The Rock, Armageddon and Bad Boys), and chopped and channeled them into his latest summer blockbuster, v.2007. Second, say what you will, but the guy has his shit down when it comes to large-scale action sequences. The CG was seamless, whether in a battle sequence or car morph.

But then, who sees a Bay movie expecting Scorsese-like deep character introspection?

Review aside though, I was more interested in the hype leading up to this surrounding GM product tie-ins. Save for a few beauty shots of old school/new school Cameros much later in the film than anticipated, eBay actually had better branding awareness–first. Characters mentioned their name several times to go along with screen shots of their site. In their mind, GM thought they were planting seeds for future generations of drivers, but eBay reached out to that demo–now. Despite GM’s hope that the actors would take a backseat to the cars, the cars sure look like they took a backseat to the Transformers. Of course, in typical fashion, GM will attribute the movie’s huge boxoffice numbers to its product placement. And yes, there’s already a sequel slated for 2009.

Sure would suck if Toyota got its cars in there instead.

Tags: Transformers, Billy Sol Hurok, SCTV Farm Film Report

GM hopes movie will transform sales.

I hope so too, but if that’s their overall strategy, hoo-boy. They gotta LOTTA work to do in Detroit. Good to see even five months later they all still toe the company line:

“You’re going to see these cars as the heroes. You’re not going to see the other actors,” said Dino Bernacchi, GM’s associate director of branded entertainment. “These cars are the stars, literally, in the movie.”

Kids and teens aren’t going to care so much about what these cars transformed from, only the cool robotic CGI eye candy they’ll morph into. Riddle me this Batman: who do we care more about in movies, the boring scientist or the evil nemesis they transform into? Hasbro will probably see a sales bump before GM does. A little advice from a former lifelong Ford/Chevy guy, if I may. Focus on the product and make better cars. Then we can talk about movie tie-ins and Mellencamp songs.

(image found here)

Tags: Transformers

Whatever ‘it’ is, win $5,000 for talking about it.

Just in time for the release of Transformers comes another promotional tie-in. (Audible gasp.) Never saw that coming. Tell eBay how it transformed your life and you could win some cash. Ok, well, every single time I go to sell something on eBay, I lose money because sellers are allowed to flood the market with 2,000 of the same item and nothing is done about the seller. I can say that my blood pressure has ‘transformed’ from a once healthy 110/70 to 130/90. Now, where’s my cash.

(Or, maybe that’s not quite what they had in mind?)

Tags: Transformers, eBay

Amazing new device to revolutionize movie-going experience.

From the “you must be joking department” comes the revolutionary Regal Guest Response System. Sounds like something Homeland Security came up with. It’s a freaking pager people. The idea being, a select person would get to be a member of the movie police in the audience, just like an air marshal on flights. (Maybe DHS did hatch this idea.) Like, if someone’s too loud, or the film is blurry, sound is bad, whatever; you page a member of the staff and they’ll come running. WTF? Let me repeat: WTF? By the time you have to page someone because they won’t shut up, the movie is ruined. By the time you have to page someone for poor audio, the movie is ruined. I’m all for improved customer service, but most theatres have digital sound and audio so I don’t see a problem there. As for loud patrons? Me telling someone to be quiet works better than a pager anyday.

How about we page someone every five minutes and bitch about soda prices or why there’s 20 commercials before the movie even starts?

(via Drudge)